Flutterby: I prance about this life of mine.

2006-01-25T21:52:00.000+08:00

I've moved! Has been in the plans for some time now. The good times here end now.

2006-01-25T17:59:00.000+08:00

You know its true love

when, fifteen minutes into the concert, you feel overwhelmed, you can't stop smiling, and you start crying for no particular reason.

2006-01-25T09:54:00.000+08:00

I can die a Happy Woman Now + Teenage Fantasy Came True

(dual-hapiness combo entry)

Yesterday I went for my once-in-this-lifetime, super fucking worthit concert.

Backstreet Boys Never Gone Concert 2006 is the best concert I have been to in this millenium.

Now for the blow-by-blow account of the concert! I'm going to add happy words after each paragraph.

Melissa, Haiqi and I trooped down to the venue the way happy troopers do, and settled down quite happily into our seats. The dot was three rows behind us. Then ushers hovered around us claiming that there were duplicate tickets issued, so the single best thing happened to me in terms of Sistic love last night - I got bumped down to the $160 section (we were in the $125s) ! We had even greater new seats and got really close to the stage, which means I get to take awesome videos. Love!

Once the crowd got going and the Boys came on stage, it was a massive bloob of teenage love mush in the Indoor Stadium. I didn't sit at all throughout the concert, so by the end of the concert my knees were buckling. Excellent!

Okay, one whole paragraph about their ENERGY. There were no fancy costume changes, no jumping out of coffins, no Larger than Life crazy choreographing, but! but but but but but but not one person was seated at all. Its also the first time I was in an audience where everyone around me knew every song, even two puny six year old kids standing on the railings in front of me. Fucking SexY!

*scream!*

The dancing! Super smooth, and they made it look so easy! You know how you see dance people and then even though it looks very good you know they're damn tired and achey during their performance? None of that from them. Its like they sang and then when they felt like it they danced, except that all of them are in sync and spontaneously danced the same thing. LAWL. Nick Carter got so fat, he "looked like a pig dancing and his tummy bounced in rhythm to the music" (said I during the concert), but I still love it and he's still amazing on stage. Awesome!

The exit: No repeated encore, they just did their stuff and then came back for one last song (Backstreet's Back). Then when we were getting out of the venue we saw six motorbikes (angmoh drivers), and three crazy Merc vans with the boys inside. Cool la ok. Even chinese superstars also don't have growling bikes to open the road for them one ok. SHUAI!

I can't explain already la. I'm tired. I just love them okay, they were on repeat when I first spoke to the boyfriend on the phone in 1998 and they're STILL on repeat in the Chariot now. 'Nuff said.

If you are in physical contact with me please ask me to show you my BSB videos. :D

2006-01-23T10:45:00.000+08:00

Mewzik

I spent my week unwittingly living out my loves from a decade ago. From thumbing through the vast collection of children literature living in my store, to turning the pages of adolescent diaries written about absolutely nothing in particular, to re-watching my 1996 Long Vacation VCDs (one of Kimura's best works), to the Backstreet Boys concert tomorrow, my life is almost rewinding in front of my eyes.

Then I did the unthinkable.

I lifted the black lid and touched the keys, flipped open my Long Vacation scorebook, and played my retro, beloved, silent, neglected Kawai piano for the first time in two years - and it never felt better. I'm rusty, no doubt, but I can still play whatever the hell I want.

I never thought I'd feel this way about piano, but I think I can only feel this comfortable with the instrument only after I've made peace with my phobia of piano examinations.

I can play all the scores in the whole wide world now and never worry about facing another piano examiner, all the Santa Claus looking ones or the Beck looking ones. Or the Fatboy Slim ones. Or the Moby ones. Or the Professor McGonagall types.

Yes I think I can move on in terms of my pianoplaying future now, especially since I've dug up my old music pieces. This feels too surreal and empowering for a Monday morning.

2006-01-22T23:07:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year?

Its not even here yet and I'm tired already.

The wors(t) things I hate about the whole Chinese New Year affair would have to be

a) the spring cleaning ordeal

b) incessant chinese new year songs in shops

I can't decide which one is worst. Spring Cleaning gets my undies in a twist and my mood on fluctuation, and chinese new year songs just make me want to bite someone's head off (hopefully someone very unpleasant and a pest to society).

Ah well. All for tradition.

2006-01-22T12:21:00.000+08:00

Nice Try

So this week, my friendosphere has been rocky. But it simply cements my wealth of knowledge when it comes to such issues, and I'm going to share my [possibly] limited view on friendship conflicts. I'm NOT targeting any particular person here, too much is happening among different groups of friends. Even I'm confused. Secondary school people, JC people, uni people, all in varying degrees. [Just in case you're mistaken, Lishie, this is not about you mmkay? Dropping a class is a tiny issue and lawlie love still goes around.]

So people, just take a breather and see if you're aware of what I'm going to point out. Maybe we all should do well to remember these:

Lesson 1: Speak when you should

It just isn't wise to keep quiet when you know people will be affected. They can keep mum, but it may worsen the matter. Unless that person is me, because I'm weird and once things are said it can no longer be clarified / taken back. But things go on as usual here in the Queendom of Q.

Lesson 2: Do not speak now when you did not, earlier.

When you should have clarified, but didn't, the window period is simply over. The matter is closed, and maybe its just best to all move on and try to make the best out of what we have left. I'm certain that with time, we can all reach this superb level of pretense that things might just seem normal again.

Lesson 3: Its all about timing [Derived from #1 & #2]

If the time has passed, nothing you do will help. The time period is always up to the individual, but trust me, you're critically judged by each person on the timeframe given.

Lesson 4: We all learn from this.

Perhaps things will never go back to the way it was, but isn't it the best for everyone now that we all learn more about each other?

At least you know who to trust and who not to, and who you get along better with. And even, when it comes down to the crunch, who will stand by your side. Always.

I happen to think that the friends who stand by you are the ones worthy enough to keep. Because it is these people who will see things from your point of view, and understand what you go through. Unless they're evil manipulators just out to be on your favor, of which I am not susceptible to since i'm such a great judge of character.

Lesson 5: Never let anyone be your mouthpiece

This is simple to explain: If you can't even speak for yourself, who will ever bother listening to you again?

My personal lesson this week, is that sometimes when the situation gets seriously out of hand, it gets fucking amusing. And people will go on and on doing whatever the fuck they want to do, so I'm just sitting and watching, and laughing to myself.

Nice try, by the way, to rock our boat again.

2006-01-21T21:20:00.000+08:00

Fckd up Day

Today, I:

- braved the chinese new year crowd

- quarrelled

- spring cleaned, and that is ALWAYS bad

- listened to two people grumble non-stop one after another

- ventured to town alone in grubby unkempt clothes

- met three friends whom I haven't seen in at least five years when I was looking my worst

- didn't get everything on my shopping list

I'm beginning to detest saturdays.

2006-01-19T09:28:00.000+08:00

Clubbing Woes

And so yesterday eight brave girls made their way to the Ministry Of Sound Singapore to see what the big deal was, and I really did like the place, except that there were no place for us to sit despite it being so huge. Then again, the fact that I was looking for someplace to sit signifies that the music sucked and there were no goodlookers around.

So it was off to zouk (out). But it is just never the same again for me. I finally realised that my toes were stepped to death even though there was so much space to walk, the beige bouncer suits are really uncool, and even the prettyboy sightings were halved.

Plus today, I get killer sorethroats. That's three clubbing seshes in a row, and my throat cannot take any more strain I tell you.

So, no more clubbing for this little girl.

2006-01-18T00:53:00.000+08:00

Angst is Me

There are a lot of screwed-up-fucked-up things/jerks in this world and sometimes all you need to do is just forget about them.

[or ignore them, bitch about them, and condemn them.]

2006-01-17T20:37:00.000+08:00

Cornier Cornea

The bi-annual optician visit took place two days ago, since my imperfect eyesight called for new contact lenses.

The whole expedition involved six optical mega-machines, one very mechanical optician and one very bored customer. After the ordeal it seems that both cornea(s) of mine has minor scratches due to contact lense over-wear [as opposed to underwear, haha], and is encouraged to not wear contacts if I don't have the need to.

So I've self-imposed a ban on contact lenses except for clubbing sessions, important presentations, Chinese New Year celebrations and fancy dates. [I'm glad I've got funky glasses for this.]

I hope this serves as warning enough to take care of your eyes.

2006-01-15T01:17:00.000+08:00

Politeness Potions

I find myself talking aloud less, but holding lengthy conversations in my head with increasing frequency.

My brain parts hold meetings almost hourly, and if the topic of the table doesn't interest me I tend to simply retreat in my head.

This tendency means I've been observing more too, and I'd like to campaign for politeness, something we've all seem to have forgotten.

No this is not my new concoction of Sarcasm masked in Politeness, but rather true blue politeness in all its goodness. At least less people get offended.

Maybe this is what it takes to make the world a better place.

I'd rather talk to someone who tries to be polite while speaking the truth, rather than someone who's a sweet talker but is actually more like a fucker with sugar-dripping spit.

I'm sure we all can think of someone like that, can't we, since we've met the whole world and back now that we're in the second age box.

2006-01-15T01:10:00.000+08:00

Clean Noses

This came up in a conversation tonight, but I'm quite ashamed to say I forgot all about the nose cleaning ritual. Do people really dig their noses fastidiously every day?!

I am certain this is just a pretense.

Because I don't conscientiously remember to pick my nose daily. It doesn't sound like it should belong to the daily self-love routine. Cleansing, toning, moisturising, teeth-brushing, peeing, bathing... and nose-picking?

Okay everyday you learn something new.

2006-01-13T00:48:00.000+08:00

Strange Weather makes for Strange Days

You know you're old when your last literature lesson was three years ago. I was taught in my humble lit class, that the universe is a macrocosm of the world in which we live in. Hence the weather reflects people's moods, and the same goes the other way.

You know things are becoming strange when your professor from last semester shifts away from you when you sit next to him at lunch, when you have the biggest crush on him the whole of last semester. And the aforementioned crush extent is the maximum amount of love you can dwelve out from your heart for a stupid tertiary tutor, too. fuck.

But then its getting quite worrying when you come home and realise you are still obsessed, and so run a technorati search on the prof - only to realise there are at least three girls (with blogs) who have the same equal unhealthy love for said professor too.

Seriously leh. I hate unrequited love.

Weird Incident two:

Friend: blah blah macritchie meeting time at 9am blah blah blah piercing party blah dinner blah blah. Join at whatever time you feel like it.

Me: but i don't want to go to the piercing party! [because piercings make me squirm.]

Friend: then leave and join back as and when you want.

Me: I'm quite worried about the Macritchie jog.

Friend: Why.

Me: Because I don't want to dirty my shoes. [thinks: My shoes have not touched soil before (only treadmills)]

Friend: Shit u

Is it just me or did I just get undeserving insults? [Okay so maybe it is very bimbotic.]

2006-01-11T15:31:00.000+08:00

The real truth

Truth hurts. And that's what you feel when there's an upgraded, slimmer, chio-er version of your previously superior laptop available on the market. And as an Apple supporter you have to echo what everyone else is saying, and that is "wow look how great Apple/Steve Jobs is!" and "Its a great product!"

when what you really want to say is "Fuck you I just bought my Powerbook! Now how to sell?".

And when the world is ending soon you know you can take heart that you have friends who want to MSN in chinese with you. :D

Its birthday dinner tonight and that's nice, because birthday dinners are always cozy things.

2006-01-09T23:25:00.000+08:00

Multi-Directional Pull

You know how when you shop, and you have limited cash on your hands (more than usual at least), you tend to feel like buying everything you see? So you take checks, and mentally list them down:

- Brown Top Shop pants
- Pink Shrug
- Purple and white crystal chandelier earrings
- Cheap sunglasses from cart
- G-Star Jeans (expensive)

and so on?

It never happens when you only need to buy something, and its a buy-or-die situation. It only happens because, nothing. Just because.

And so I find this repeated in January 2006, where its the beginning of the year and so many people so graciously invited me to so many different places slash events. I feel compelled to gravitate towards some (interesting events like plays / important events like birthdays / people I haven't met in months). It doesn't help that I'm slotting things like New Year shopping and exercise plans into the schedule. I'm sorry people. I will keep to my word and if I say I turn up, I will. The time is ripe for some improvement on time management, Q.

2006-01-09T14:00:00.000+08:00

FLOH

At the school library doing research, and picked up this book .

The concept is this: "The images in "FLOH" are photographs discovered by Tacita Dean in flea markets across Europe and America. These portraits, holiday snapshots, documents of banal occurrences or spectacular views have all been retrieved and given a new existence.

They keep the silence of the flea market; the silence they had when they were found; the silence of the lost object. This, however, is found photography with a twist. In "FLOH", it is presented as art: beautifully printed in a linen cover, slipcased volume, and each copy of the book is signed and numbered by the artist.

Eventually, Tacita Dean stopped going to flea markets for fear of finding an image that "should have been in the book", but then resolved to believe that there isn't, and can never be, a final version to this collection. "FLOH" exists in the continuum and will one day return ownerless and silent to its origins in the flea market. This is a signed limited edition of 4,000. " (Amazon.com)

When I flipped through it, there was no text describing the pictures. In fact there isn't even the copyright page or content page, almost like I found a photo album lying in the dust. Yet it gave me so much satisfaction, just perusing the pictures. Its almost a collage of life, its sources so diverse and different, the pictures so quaint and curious.

So its been raining nonstop this week! I don't know what to make of that. Except to wear waterproof clothing and lousy shoes. I have been hoping to up my wardrobe this last puny semester of school (maybe i have), but it doesn't make any difference in the mirror. I still look exactly the way I do.

I ponder more with the coming of the rain.

Was spring cleaning in the room yesterday, when I experienced deja vu. And my dream happened three years ago, when I woke up thinking it would happen at my old place, where everything will never change. How wrong I am. I guess we will never know how wrong we are at this exact moment - not even with hindsight.

So life is not just transient, but precognizable as well. I refuse to think deja vu can just be wheedled away with scientific explanation, because surely, there are a million and one things science can never and will never explain.

I had the most bizarre dream last night.

I was running away from my supposed boyfriend (not Sherman, strange enough, my boyfriend was an acquaintance) in the dream, with this gorgeous boy who has no face or name.

I just know, in my dream, that he is my ideal man.

So while my boyfriend was running up and down for me, I led the Ideal Man this way and that, trying to avoid being caught.

Spent hours talking to Ideal Man, and had the time of my life in that day. While he was feeling more than amused at me (and very in love with me), I spent my time worrying about how I'm a betrayer because my boyfriend was probably looking for me and I was deliberately running away from him.

And when i woke, all that struck me was how crazily close my dreams are to reality. I run away with my ideals, only to wake up from it.

2006-01-07T17:16:00.000+08:00

Breakup, break up the blog

Hello world. While all of you are out frolicking on this wet Saturday afternoon, I have to say that I am very sadly cooped up in the study. Doing nothing in particular.

I had expected to be resting at home today not talking to anyone, since I am currently nursing my sore throat. What i did not expect is that my sore throat left me much too early, and after sleeping for 14 hours there is not much resting to be done. So I am stuck, very unhappily, at home. To do some shit.

Its sad.

This entry is sad. I had a cute website to read sometime back, called aiyahwhatever.com but hor, the couple broke up. So sad right. So now he has his own blog and she has her own blog. Well, I really don't know why I mentioned it because its so boliao and its none of my fucking business, but I just really feel sad about the whole concept of breaking up a couple blog because the couple broke up.

Yup.

That's all.

You can see that I'm really extremely bored right?

2006-01-07T10:06:00.000+08:00

Pre Backstreet Boys Concert Mania

Lawl. Have you seen this?! Its a blast. Click it. REALLY. Click it.

2006-01-05T04:00:00.000+08:00

Zouk? Out.

And so today I obliged the Camebacks, and ventured into Zouk expecting yet another night of crazy retro and podium amusement.

After a couple of shots and drinks, we cabbed down to catch slash join the action - but there was none.

It was eleven, there we were with our hot bods and heavily-laden, alcohol-filled tummies. There was no snaking queue, and this was just one month after I had to queue for forty-five minutes just to enter the place. To think we were actually worried about queuing! Eternally optimistic and high from Camebacks determined to set foot in Zouk, we sauntered in consoling ourselves with "Okay the crowd better be in there" type comments.

It was in the beige bouncers' tunnel that I encountered something strange, almost out of this world. It was late, the time was ripe, and yet there were actually wide spaces for me to walk in Zouk.

The main dancefloor was empty, even the podiums were empty. Even Fat Man in Red Shirt wasn't at his usual spot. In fact I think the Fat Man went to Ministry of Sound.

Now of course I'm no airhead, I actually have ears attached to me if it comes as a surprise to you. I know where the place to be is on Wednesdays now, I just didn't think that Zouk would lose its charm!

Fled to Phuture and was slightly reassured. Phuture's smaller by default and the vibe, thankfully, was still somewhat intact.

I'm still grouchy that there was no eye candy for the party of us. I still haven't been to Mambo with the Boy, how can the place be so desolate? Incidentally I've never been to a Zoukout.

I resolve to go there as soon as possible, before even the Zouk spirit flees for Ministry of Sound.

Not that I'm absolutely enamored with Zouk, but I have to admit it did have its charm. My first time (wow, yes, revelation coming) was such a bad experience - I was not in sync with the stupid retro music and the psycho podium hand signals. Everything felt so wrong, so exceptionally out of place and time. The cute guys were all older than me and worst of all, there were a bi/tri/ga/wopzillion pretty babes swarming around. It just felt entirely like a bad dream. I felt so defeated, it was disarming. And for the longest time, I just didn't want to zouk anywhere, anytime.

This period was broken, finally, by crazed friends who go for the Ladies' Night drinks like it was the posh seafood buffet at Ritz Carlton (which is superbly delish by the way). And so I went along and somewhere along the way, my ears started getting used to the pounding waves of retro from them booming speakers. Plus I grew to love the bridge where you can escape to after your Zouk escapade becomes too loud for your liking.

Oh and how can you not love the place where "My build no belt my belt no ha ha ha ha the bouncer is so bouncy" happened?

It also helps that always, around midnight, the deejay plays Rock DJ by Robbie Williams slash Backstreet's Back. Then everything feels right again and I am in my element, my era again.

But today, it felt like my first time at Zouk again. Bad crowd, bad podium dancers, bad music, huge loud waves of retro washing me into oblivion. And no cute guys. There were empty spaces on the dance floor! It was a nightmare and certainly NOT what I'd want to see at my first Mambo back from USA, so I'm glad it isn't.

So yeah. Sorry, but Zouk is officially and finally Out. Enter: Ministry of Sound.

2006-01-03T13:58:00.000+08:00

I'm back at school after catching the Goneways at the Airport; finally saw them in their physical states after these few months. Methinks there will be an orgasm of hawker food these two weeks (without dorothy) afterwhich we will all be so sick of it we will abandon hawker plans.

I'm starting the year with a bounce, swam some but the water was too dirty for my liking. I hope the roommate comes soon, i'm famished and lecture is starting in twenty.

2006-01-03T09:30:00.000+08:00

2006

My new year was simple, spent a lot of time in the house and with the family.

Its fabulous sitting here and knowing you have a whole load to do before you have to get out of the house, and then some:

1. Airport to pick the girls up
2. Rush to school
3. Dinner with the roommates
4. Meet the boy to catch up some

Right. And I'm off to get a nice morning swim before the body tires.

2006-01-01T08:41:00.000+08:00

The New Year Resolutions (2006)

1. Exercise regularly.

2. Travel more. (Taiwan Bangkok + 1 beach resort at least)

3. Pick up yoga.

4. Save more.

5. Have nice nails.

6. Be punctual.

7. Learn to make full use of my gadgets (iPod laptop the chariot etc.)

Right. I've made resolutions with the Boyfriend too. I feel extremely excited about 2006.

2005-12-31T23:06:00.000+08:00

Wootsies, christmas and new year's gone in a flash.

Just spent today vegging out watching the annual Japanese Red/White competition on NHK, this year's a bonus year, SMAP appeared three times on the competition. Kimura is so fucking hot, i'd go out to him with my best big hat on the spot tonight. Three times! God.

Other than that today's not too exciting, spent the mid morning and afternoon swimming, and then a lot of rest at home.

This year's really not too good for me.

Right, i'm out. I plan to spend the first minutes of New Year's 2006 in bed sleeping soundly.

And if you really do not understand me, don't try. Don't pass easy comments too, because that just isn't very nice now is it?

2005-12-29T00:05:00.000+08:00

Spent the whole of today running around a hospital. The waiting time is enough to screw you up and wear you out and drag you down.

Would blog more except that I really don't feel like it these days.

Productivity rate at all time low, yet everyday is filled with things to do.

Where is the fucking fun?

2005-12-27T00:12:00.001+08:00

The Family Stone

Last Friday, four accountancy girls trooped down to Heartlanders' Central, also known as Junction8, for some time away from the crazy Christmas crowd, only to meet the crazy Christmas crowd at Junction8. Lesson learnt: Never try to beat the Christmas crowd because they will always beat you to it.

And so, with all the time in the world (or so we think) and nothing to do on our hands, we sauntered into the glittering golden village neatly tucked away on the last level of the plaza and caught yes, The Family Stone!

First of all, its the first movie foray of SJP since SATC, and that's bound to be something to behold. Second, it has the very hot Luke Wilson,which is an opinion not many share because they figured his brother's cuter. Third, it has Claire Danes, which i have NOT seen since erm, The Hours.

The one-word for the movie?: Feel-Good.

For a Christmas movie it pales in comparison with 2003's hit, Love Actually, since The Family Stone's plot is glaring at you in the face. However, in terms of character build-up, the film isn't that bad for a christmas flick.

Sarah Jessica Parker, formally of Sex and the City glitz, plays an uptight, perfectionist woman who visits her beau's family for Christmas. She got the basics down pat, but still isn't that convincing. I worship you, SJP, but I think you either a) need another breakthrough role like Carrie or b) go back to telly.

Claire Danes was boring in this show.

Luke Wilson was GOOD. He was delish. Very impish smile, I like. Acting wise nada.

There was also Rachel McAdams, who looks different in every single movie she's been in. I swear its her hair. She can have one billion looks. I think she's Mystique from X-Men pretending to be an actress.

Diane Keaton was convincing too.

I'm bored of reviewing this movie, so go catch it only if a) you love SJP b) you love X-mas flicks and c) there's nothing else to watch and you've caught narnia already + you, like me, think that king kong is STUPID.

2005-12-26T16:51:00.000+08:00

Boxing Day = Sales Extravaganza

You can choke me with all the false merriment going around the island, but I really don't think that one day can be more merry than all 364 others. Christmas is thankfully over, giving way to the Last Week of The Entire Year.

Also known as Boxing Sales Week.

So to kickstart this fantabulous period, I've checked out the Metro Sale where there were a billion and one aunties. Shopping with women, that I'm fine with. Shopping with women and their fucked up husbands, that I'm not ready for.

Even Mango sales are better than Metro sales, at least there're (almost) no men.

Queued up (one frigging hour people) for my payment of several bodysoft(s) and undies to find two of 'em tagless. The cashier instructed for me to go back, but that isn't a very enjoyable thing to do when you've had to queue for an hour just to reach the place (and that's considered fast because i bumped the queue - the Boyfriend was queuing already). No one was overtly angry when I darted out of the ten km queue.

But when I tried to get back in, that's a different story.

Obstacle One - Security Guard

He just stopped me, palm up and face stern. I was ready for it, launched into a whole rehearsed speech "I'm at counter 11 ... she told me to go get barcodes for these ..."*press bras into his face*

He lets me cross.

Obstacle Two - Man I, Amused

Man One was more amused than angry. I darted in trying to get to the counter which was miles away STILL, and he just looked at me and said "Ey, how come you're here ah?" *snicker at supposed half fucked attempt to jump queue and tries to ridicule me*

"My purchases are already at the cashier, I'm just going back to her now."

"Orh, issit? okay okay" *half in disbelief, walao, this girl, still can cook up some half past six story*

I continue my darting to enter the Olympics Darting Internationals.

Obstacle Three - Man II, Angry

Man in front of Amusedman is pissed off at Amusedman, who must have tried to gain some amusement from Man II. He turned and snapped "Even if you paid you still got to queue ok." His face had no mercy at all. He shined with triumph, in fact, I think, even more triumphant than my Triumph bras.

"My things are there already. I'm just taking these back to the cashier." By this time I've had it with all men. Men are FUCKING STUPID. Do you think I'd risk jumping queue when there's a Great Wall of angry Singaporean shoppers? Do I look fucking uncivillised?!

Angry Man doesn't care. He continues with the favourite, sure-win retort of Singaporeans: "So?" He thinks: If I say So, I sure win.

Singaporeans ALWAYS think "So?" translates to I-win-you-Big-Time. Except, "So?" also means you have nothing better to say.

You know why I know? Because I'm a Singaporean. And because i am the girl who perfected the "So?" retort.

so after he said "So?", I said "SO?!". And put on my best So-Fuck-off-and-Let-Me-get-To-Cashier-11 face.

And so I win big time, because I ran off before he can say "So" back to me.

My trick is to say "So" last. It assures you of complete annihilation of enemies.

2005-12-26T02:00:00.000+08:00

Of White Witches and Talking Animals

So I just came back from the next big Screen blockbuster, the Chronicles of Narnia. Felt like watching something and just went and did it.

Being a fan of children fiction and classic English detective/adventure tales, this series met my expectations and slightly more. Seeing it has been more than two years since I touched my Narnia books, the plot startled me once more.

The casting of the children, the faun and the white witch were adequate, unlike other bloggers' commentaries that I've browsed who claimed that the children, especially, were unconvincing. They were not supposed to be convincing, seeing that they were not at all convinced of their abilities themselves. From what I gather, they had the childlike manner down pat, the uncertainty of their stature and their nonexperience simply means they should not be at all convincing. Also, this lot were highly sheltered.

The talking animals gave me a nice good shock, too. Yes, I forgot and thought only Aslan could speak. I was patiently waiting for the cheetahs to growl and speak but they didn't, much to my disappointment.

The White Witch is as all media reviews portrayed, excellent and regal and piercing. My only grouch, she seemed too bigboned. Tall she might be, but bigboned? Aslan weren't majestic enough, but certainly his mane is as the book described, magnificent.

Even the wardrobe was beautiful. I imagined the cupboard to be extremely tattered. Or maybe thats just my misunderstanding of the book.

Is it just me or does the faun strike you as an unexpectedly HANDSOME faun? I think he'll be really delish in real life. :)

Having said that, I think the soundtrack and music wasn't that fantastic.

My last word on it is that Lucy's eyes are SO pure! and her smile, her teeth are crooked which makes her so much more endearing. I love Lucy.

So its a 3.5. Catch it on a weekday to feel you've walked away with a bargain.

2005-12-25T15:26:00.000+08:00

Happy Christmas!

What I did this Christmas:

1. Order-in dinner with the roommates while catching up on the O.C. and konking out after 1 miserable drink

2. Marche dinner with the girls

3. Chomp at chompchomp with the uni girls and caught The Family Stone (*squeal!* SJP!)

4. Family barbeque dinner with sullen cousins and rowdy games

5. ~~Christmas couplish dinner~~ nice chompish dinner and christmas movie to boot!

2005-12-24T10:33:00.000+08:00

Its Christmas, and here on Flutterby we start taking stock of the whole year and list down all the lessons learnt.

In 2002, I learnt that working is a superb way of beefing up your pockets and that the A levels are the hardest exams in my whole life to this point. I learnt how to deal with a very broken, disastrous relationship. In 2003, I learnt that driving is so fucking fabulous, and nothing beats realising you passed your driving test. I learnt how friends matter and time spent with friends is always time well spent. I learnt exactly how an undergraduate life should feel like, competitive and uncertain, yet always trying to make the best of things. I learnt to live alone, though still in Singapore, and how to try and live with someone else in the room.

In 2004, I learnt a multitude of things. I learnt how fragile things, people, and relationships are, and it can just snap and fall apart within a second. One wrong move, a sentence muttered carelessly, a rash decision. Just that, and things fall apart. I learn last year, that Christmas won't ever be truly Christmas again. My biggest lesson last year, though, was how a good catch can never exist. The guy can be a fucking scholar, devout, pure and good, obedient and all the other virtues on earth. But if he's not honest, have no respect for his partner, is not contented, then what is the fucking point of being in a relationship with the jerk?

My lessons this year come in abundance.

I learn how important friends are, in times of need and sorrow. They listen to you, believe in you, pick you up and tell you exactly what you needed to hear. They do not doubt you, trust in you, and can always be counted on.

I learn to appreciate that small things matter. That chilled cold milk in the konky fridge taste so much better after you got past three semesters without a fridge in your hostel room. The kickass telly is soo fantabulous when all you had for telly was squinting into your very spoilt and gone Hewlett Packard monitor. Even the attached toilet at your new hall room kicks ass because it means never having to find a clogged drain with other people's hair, and smelling pee in that shared shower cubicle.

I learnt how high an adrenalin rush can go. Sliding into the smooth leather seat of the chariot for the first time. Tearing open the box wherein my Powerbook lay. Getting that coveted internship. Finally biting down and walking into the LV store to buy that wallet you've been dying for, with my own hardearned cash. Sitting on my own bed again. And just yesterday, I finally nailed the art of registering my subjects in two seconds. And add the joy of getting that much coveted two day week for my last semester.

I learnt too, the lows to which your mood can swing to. Not getting the offer you were hoping for. Crazy uncontrollable moodswings you try to grapple with on your own because it will be your own business anyway. That one can never say never. Saving all year for that fucking Europe trip, only to be disappointed by none other than your own family. (that's fine. really.) Learning that emotions are your own business and sometimes, even closest friends really have no idea what you're going through. And I think this last point make me stronger. Realising your word may not hold water (or even dew). Losing a friend or close to that anyway. And last of all, realising that no matter how fair you try to treat your friends, the same treatment can never be expected.

I learn too, exactly how many times I falter. How imperfect I may be, and that it is always okay once I can accept that.

Oh and I learnt how to celebrate a lonely happy birthday. I'm beginning to think that this will have a profound impact on me, but I don't know how yet.

It all seems insignificant but it's important to me.

I learn, from this year, that I'm twenty one. and i can do whatever the fuck I want, because I don't have to hold myself on those standards that I used to have, because so what if you treat your friends the way you want them to treat you? They may not.

I'm back together with Sherman again. You can ask, but I won't be telling. Actually, all in all, I think I had a pretty good year.

Happy Christmas, ya'll.

2005-12-21T12:34:00.000+08:00

Of all days, the air-conditioning chose the day I get the flu to be running at full blast, so I'm sitting here thickheadedly trying to ignore the sniffles and enjoy the cold.

This December is so contradictory, its beginning to feel like me. Hot sun one moment and dark clouds threatening to burst the next. What happened to the Decembers of my youth, the ones with nice lazy grey mornings and almost-sunny afternoons perfect for the cats to laze on the lawns and babes to sunbathe by the pool?

I'm meeting Liting for a swim later but it looks too bright for one now. Right, I'm curling up with geen tea and Potter Book Five again and waiting for that drat call to mobilise me to pick her up. I will confess, my memory isn't that excellent for HP books five and six. Melissa might very possibly be better at them than me. :D

Okay I'm going to bask in the warmth of the afternoon now. BAI

2005-12-21T00:14:00.000+08:00

Four degrees of treatment

Have not felt compelled to write for some time. Found activities to entertain myself and tickle my fancy, which is enough for me right now.

Haven't felt so great or well sorted out, but as I type, I doubt.

My job is a professional doubter. Happens all the time - when I meet new friends, speak to people who want to sell things to me, people who want favours from me. I constantly doubt friends all the time too. I'm not ashamed of admitting that. No matter what, humans judge.

People change, friends change. I change.

The landlady spoke to me some time ago, and our conclusion is summarised on her msn nick - Friends often disappoint, don't they?

I have four degrees of treatment for that.

Treatment One: People I don't give a fuck about.

They can stand me up, walk all over me, fucking steal my wallet and place it under the class monitress's table, and lie in bed with my boyfriend all day long, do fucked up things like write on their blogs and slander me and then denying that to their girlfriends (who incidentally are my friends), go ahead. Do that multiple times.

Sure I'll feel so angry I see red in my head everytime I picture your fucked up face, and think you're scum, and hate you for the next ten lives I have, but life goes on. You become stupid, and I learn from this, I choose who I trust more carefully. Disappointment, anger and trust are seperate here. Anger lingers, trust is not affected (it isn't even there in the first place), and disappointment doesn't come into play here.

You become a lesson, something I take precaution against, someone I stay extremely angry with and will never forgive - but you don't make me disappointed at all. At the very most, you are just a walking disappointment - to your family, friends, girlfriend, dog, whatever. And that's really nice for you because at least someone feels something for you, pathetic soul of a person. That's for them to judge.

Treatment Two: You are a fair-weather friend.

You appear and disappear at will, act friendly when you see me as though we've just went for a shopping spree yesterday. I'm relatively sure I have two such people in this category permanently.

I just think fuck, are you up to that again? and switch off. Because you really don't matter to me.

Treatment Three: You're a friend.

You will disappoint but then its okay because I don't put you in that special place of my heart, so you can disappoint and I will forget soon enough. Stand me up for two hours and give me two months, I don't mind waiting again. Cancel on me last minute, you don't even have to give me excuses, I think some up in my mind for you. Don't feel like being nice to me, snap at me, I'll just snap back and hurl some polite abuse at you and that's all.

If you betray me I'll just banish you to Treatment One.

I think I'm kindest to those who are just friends.

Treatment Four: Girl-friend / Boyfriend

I used to expect a whole damn lot from you. I trust you, and do not expect to be disappointed in return for my precious trust. You trust me, I honour that trust. In return, I expect the same, never more from you.

I don't get angry easily, am not extremely unfair or demanding, and do not do unto you what I don't want you to do back to me in return. In simple english, I am fucking decent to you.

Sure I don't like to send people home most times, don't like to be emotional or say I love yous that often, don't like to stand there and barbeque or marinade for you, but if you're crying or dying I will be there and NOT be square. I don't think I'm that great a friend so I don't expect you to come get me when I break up with my boyfriend, I don't expect you to drop everything and meet me by the beach for some rescue mission, I don't need you to hold my hair when I'm drunk because I don't get drunk. I don't even need favours that often.

I don't need people to talk to me that often because I don't make a mess of my life and if I do I try to take care of it. Yes, everything's I. I try not to mess up your life just because mine's messed up. My problems are my own.

But it seems that, despite all these high expectations in the past, it doesn't work. I get disappointed, I get slandered, I get betrayed, I get hurt. I may be independent and I may be harsh, but when I get hurt I get hurt all the same.

So from now on, the fair treatment starts. I learn from this. I adjust. If your boyfriend is more important to you, my boyfriend will be more important than you. If no matter how busy you are, you make time for me, I will squeeze out that 25th hour just to entertain you. No matter how you treat me, I know. I just do, because I am a wonderful judge of character. If you can't even learn to be decent, why should I bother to respect you?

Because this is how it works with me. I told you, you didn't listen. But time's up and the tide's changed. Sorry, but no next time for you. Its just the way it is around here.

2005-12-19T01:02:00.000+08:00

If I were a cat

I would naturally be the prettiest cat in the world.

And so I would be this cat:

The Norwegian Forest

I love cats, they look like they know the secrets of the universe. They look at us like we're lowly creatures, and I think my cat will get along darn well with my [future] golden retriever.

I'd buy it now, except I don't have the money/ may kill my pet instantly with my impatience / am afraid it might scratch my face out because I'm prettier / have family who hates pets / have no idea who to buy from / live in a seasonless island.

In the meantime, these look more suitable for Singapore and the best thing I like about them, they look like they're smiling even if they're not!

Hello Gorgeous! This is a Chartreux.

You're so pretty, dance for me!

And a Russian Blue.

(yes it really does look like a witch's cat)

I just need to make so much money to get a landed place and not worry about the maintenance.

2005-12-14T16:37:00.000+08:00

Perhaps Love

Perhaps Love, the latest Chinese musical foray to hit the cinemas this December, is a romance pretending to be a musical. The point of a movie-in-a-movie is to add depth to the plot, enhancing the romance between the two lead characters, Lin Jian Dong (Takeshi Kaneshiro) and Sun Na (Zhou Xun). I would acknowledge that it does add a new dimension to this movie, more than other Chinese flicks I've caught this year.

The story about the two characters begin when they were in their young twenties, down and out but eager to make it in the tricky entertainment circle. Sun Na, a young but ambitious lady, willing to go to all lengths just to make it meets Lin, weak and almost wimpy man who falls in love deeply (deeper than you think). She leaves him ultimately, and he pines for almost a decade.

Fast forward: Both become lead actors and star in a movie by director Nie Wen (Jacky Cheung), who then takes up the supporting role in the movie as well. Movie plot mirrors their off-screen romance in its entirety, and things kind of unravel from that point on.

Sun and Lin's romance is convincing, the chemistry between two leads unbelieavably touching. Kaneshiro, especially, outshines his other roles here, as nerdy Lin to dashing superstar still pining for his leading lady. As an actor, Kaneshiro has been steadily improving, honing his art while always maintaining his dreamboat status. (I love you Takeshi!)

But, my favouritest role in this movie has to be Sun. Fierce and fiery despite her pixie build, she excels as Lao Sun, turning icy and passionate with a blink of an eye and all within a splitest split second. Her eyes, her eyes. and her hair! I've had the privilege of watching her as Rong-er in the Legend of the Condor Heroes, which she was slightly mediocre, and here, her portrayal as Sun Na blew me away. If there was a true saving grace of the movie, it has to be her (and the beautiful hotel the movie was set in).

Monty (Ji Jin Hee) was average, and almost unmentionable, his roles were not even convincing and a total blowoff. I think Fei Xiang would have been a much better choice here, his chiselled face and great singing voice will make the musical in this movie take off much better than just getting a pretty face to act the character. Please, even if you want to break into the Korean market, choose someone more suitable.

However, as a musical, Perhaps Love falls flat in its face. The lyrics were bland and the melody fell flat. They should get Jay to write these things. Only two songs were exceptional - Jacky Cheung's rendition of the title track, Perhaps Love, and the drama mama song where the girls went "Ai mei you hen mei you". This is where Jacky comes in, his fantastic voice outshines Kaneshiro's first song. I thought it was alright when I heard Kaneshiro, but when Jacky started singing, well, all thoughts evaporated out of my brain and I concentrated on him instead. As the brooding Nie Wen, Cheung was quite fine too. Nothing bad there.

So, four stars for

the great scene where Sun and Lin both went back to the warehouse and started having hot sex

for all the staircase next to the street scenes where everyone was either crying or stoning on the snow-filled road

Zhou Xun's great acting + great eyes,

Jacky Cheung's voice

and Kaneshiro's gorgeous beauty.

and maybe the director as well.

No stars for Korean Man + bad lyrics and melodies.

:D and i watched it all at FIVE BUCKS at Princess. Love it.

2005-12-13T08:45:00.000+08:00

Holland Village

(very much inspired by this)

I haven't had such a good time at Holland Village in such a long time. On a whim, Melsies and I trooped down to Holland Village after craving for something new to explore and the inavailability of town as a hideout.

I haven't met anyone who loves the place as much as I do, not because the numbers are lacking but rather due to my own sub-average skills to mingle. The mixture of commercialism (starfucks, coffeebean, nydc) and originals (rattan shop next to coffee bean, beads @ work opposite subway, the partyshop in the corner above Foster's) ups the interest factor, and the setting of quaint shophouses with a windmill to boot puts its goers at ease. The antique furnishing stores and pet shop inside Holland Village Shopping Centre adds to my love for the place as well.

'Course the "poppy" is right, we all secretly love that Holland Village has no Macdonalds, why should it need one when its a class above a neighbourhood? I love too, the fact that there are two Crystal Jades for times when nothing else will do.

Even Cold Storage, Holland Village is different from the rest of the Cold Storage family. Walk through the aisles and you will discover how they have portions for one, rather than family portions. Grab a mini pizza and a sausage pack and you're good to go. That's cool, in my opinion, because I often get two days' supplies when I grab some veg back to cook from the nearest NTUC.

There is also a mysterious browsing paradise a stone's throw away from the main establishments, a quiet sleepy paradise called Chip Bee Gardens. We ventured there last evening after I discovered it some weeks ago from making a wrong turn but had never had the chance of exploring the place.

Chip Bee Gardens is a three or four-storeyed complex with home studios above ground, and restaurants and novelty shops fronting the road. We went into a bookstore which was the first of its type that I've ever been in, having not books of multitude but displays books that, it seems, the owners preferred to read. There was no "Men are from Mars Women are from Venus", no Prozac Nation, no Dan Browns. On display were "What British Soldiers Should Know about France - World War II", a guide book for Brits during WWII; "Living alone and loving it 1935" for the truly modern females then, and a collection of children's books which made me grin to no end. My description doesn't give justice to the store, its more than words can say. It had chess sets and antique furniture, and Mao Zedong figurines! If this combination of Mao figurines and children books doesn't do it for me, I can't imagine what does.

Several shops down and we run into a deli with a mind of its own. There were ready made pasta, fried rice, pizza and a load of other delish things in freezers, telling you expectantly that it was just a workaholic's paradise. Tarts buns and cakes abound, in all sorts of homely manner for you to bring back to your gorgeous apartment that you can't cook in. We resolved there and then to bring it back to our little apartment in town, if that ever happens.

Last shop in the row, we looked into a closed pet shop with a displayed vertical thing for pets to climb about. And there, we saw - Garfield, a truly orange and long-furred cat with the haughtiest gaze I've ever seen. I made meowing faces at it but she really didn't care about me. at all.

Apart from great food and food shopping, what is not to love about its nightlife? There are all the laidback clubs in the world to keep you happy. walawala's on Fridays, which is always my choice for a weekly holland village meetup, Harry's just next to it.

And the shopping. There's a Factory outlet above the Post Office (Sorry chow I forgot to bring you there!), and just last night, I walked away with a fab top at only $23.60 from another shop, a steal from right under the snobbish salesgirl's nose. :D

The last mention, two roads away from Holland Village houses the bestest XO fish beehoon soup ever. Which is my driving force to visit it ever so often anyway.

2005-12-12T11:32:00.000+08:00

yada x 2

I took the train on my way home today.

It was bright and early so there were no kids, no working class, no rowdy teenagers; only the sweet quiet smiley elderly. It made things better since the iPod (Shayla!) wasn't with me to block out the noise.

Took a window seat and began my anticipation on what was coming - the sudden whoosh of the train entering the tunnel. It's that split second where everything turns black. The air is momentarily still, and the commuters stay almost stationary as though they were all waiting with abated breath for that moment too. Just one split second, like Someone pressed the pause button on us without us knowing.

I love how it feels and sounds when trains enter tunnels.

It feels like how you enter an empty, cramped room, except that there is nothing but you in the room. The train runs along, smooth, its only thought to get out of that tunnel. Subconsciously, so do you, as you channel yourself into that split second emotion, readying yourself as it, and you, enter the tube of darkness.

Just like the faculty of asscountancy, where you enter and just hope you run fast enough, straight through neverending tubes of darkness, and then make it out at the other side. Safe and sound.

(It normally doesn't feel this sinister, but I've just read a handful of dumbass blogs from my peers and trust me, they've got the stupids.)

2005-12-11T19:40:00.000+08:00

Sunday

Sundays have always been turbulent for me. As a child, Sundays signify Parents-At-Home day, which was never a good thing. I get yelled at a lot, ordered about and punished with regularity.

Sundays also meant Piano Lessons, which is more than a pain in the ass if you didn't practice the entire week. That entails more shouting matches, and dirty looks from the elders.

This Sunday is reminiscent of that. In a word, horrible. I need therapy for Sundays like this.

Now, some background on Sunday:

1. In English, Sunday gets its name from Sunna, or Sunne the Germanic sun goddess.

No wonder people don't like rainy Sundays, it was meant to be sunny in the first place.

2. In the Gregorian calendar, no century can start on a Sunday. In the Hebrew calendar, no year can start on a Sunday.

Is this because Sundays are usually a bad start for most things (like the way it has been for most of my hideous weeks with bad Sunday starts)?

3. Any month beginning on a Sunday will contain a Friday the 13th.

This answers my question for #2.

*******

So things got better after lunch, and I had a nice nap, cooked meals and had a relaxing swim outdoors with relatively well-behaved kids who dodged me most times.

Am reading about swim strokes and distance per second (DPS) techniques, intend to improve swim strokes the whole of next week. This means more practice.

Mmkay, now to make way for the next person in queue for the communal computers.

2005-12-10T12:46:00.000+08:00

Attagirl

And so it is, another Saturday afternoon. The days waltz past so quickly, inducing the novel mundaneness to seem almost exciting. Saturdays are slow and they creep past me so quickly.

As usual I've been my productive self, zipping around and running errands. Its getting boring, this cycle.

Oh, to plug the NUS Bizad Christmas bash, the theme is "Back to Old School" in Chinablack - does this entail school uniforms? Because I'm definitely in if I can don my school uniform for just one night! Liting? want to?

:D Okay from next week onwards I promise to party my ass off. :D and get kickass hair. Its going to be great if nothing else. Its the fucking holidays!

The Liars Academy

2005-12-10T01:56:00.000+08:00

The Liars Academy
This thing called love - it's not worth it.

The core of love is truth, because without it, everything crumbles. You can build your love with excruciating care, only to see it unraveling before your eyes if there is one hint of dishonesty in it.

That's the real deal behind it all.

This leads me to examine the shades of gray of withholding the truth.

I've heard this somewhere: If the truth will hurt your partner but is unconsequential in your relationship, the solution is to simply withhold that evil nugget of information. This makes things less complicated. No angry boyfriends, no crying girlfriends. What he doesn't know will never harm him (or put you in an uncomfortable position.)

Of all the people I've seen practise this theory, none of them kept their relationships working. Yes, the sad truth is, these relationships expire. I'm waiting to see more relationships expire now, to tell the truth. Am not looking forward to it, but I'm certain these things occur.

The Liars Academy (of weak men and hard women) produces these specimens of beings who lie without giving a second thought to it, and silly partners fall for it. Sweet tongues with vile intentions, who is the wiser under these circumstances?

Well, the crux is that for each liar there is a believer, and if you're in one of these roles, you're just plain stupid to indulge in this silly cycle. You're just ruining yourself. The believer tends to be weak psychologically, the compelling need to believe overshadows the nagging possibility that your partner may be lying to you. The other end of the spectrum holds the Egoistical One, who is so confident of himself that no one, absolutely no one can betray him.

Well, either way, I think a relationship with lies is worse than having none at all.

2005-12-09T01:06:00.000+08:00

Its 12.55AM, I got bored doing my fypp (pronounced as fip, people) readings. Am having an urgent urge (pun haha) to hire someone to do my fypp readings for me. Therefrom I caved in and drooled over the newest hottest celeb in the snagosphere:

HENRY PHILIP HENNEY

How can someone look so gorgeous? i've had it with these Pan-Asian faces, they give me spontaneous and ridiculous body reflexes to make cute eurasian babies.

I'm existing on Suede and Oasis blasting into my ears from Shayla my iPod, eating two cubes of cornflake flavoured Ritter Sport from the fridge and I'm contemplating how perfectly inane each holiday-day is.

Take today, for example: I woke up, felt extremely bored, called up the ex for a random chat, got off the bed and stomped around some, watched the telly while breakfasting on cereal and sandwiches, switched on the comp only to have it hang on me, got back into bed to read my latest loan - "The Mermaid Chair" by Sue Monk Kidd, which is an okay read for a weekday afternoon, btw

and then its two and i rush out to meet lt, then we did a whole lot of shopping, and then i come back and juice random things in the fridge, gulp it down and headed down to the nearest gym, which was deserted and so i got scared and went home, and then i watched more tv and stuck some stamps and wrote some notes to send out to people, and then i'm here doing my readings.

i just love how ungoverned my plans are.

and p.s., i make good juice.

2005-12-08T00:43:00.000+08:00

I have strange friends, and stranger SMS conversations:

Me: I saw Blondie halfnaked and tightnippled! LAWL

** Blondie is a male, tall dark curly-maned dashing Scandinavian neighbour of ours.

Cellmate: DID YOU AT LEAST SMILE. OR TROT. OR PRANCE.

Me: I wanted to leap xxxxxx xxxxx x[insert your wildest dreams here] xxxxxx xxxx (axed to protect my innocent reputation) but he was too fast, he disapparated.

Well, you'll never know how you fared unless you've brought out the big hat.

Yes this entire entry is prolly only decipherable by the Strange Sellmate (sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss)I love you for your nonsenseness and how we seem to be able to weird EVERYTHING out. ({}) See You Next Tuesday forever. Carwash?

2005-12-07T23:33:00.000+08:00

A million fucking demands in a million directions.

I'm not here to meet your fucking expectations - Can't I do things at my own pace?

So sick and tired of this.

2005-12-05T19:39:00.000+08:00

I wish I did, I wish I had
a car washer who will always
choose a sunny day
to wash my red chariot,
have a lucky hand to
win money enough for my wants,
a psychopath phone that changes
itself to what I desire
each day as I wake,
a sunday laundry basketful
of time
set aside just for reading,
and walls and furnish that will never
dirtify themselves.

Is it christmas in the air? Because I'm wishing more than I did the entire year.

My last book is the Time Traveler's Wife, a superbly enjoyable read. I must have lost half of my literary analytical skills, because as I browsed the book club helplist at the end of the book, it dawned on me that I might need two days to answer them questions.

Speaking of split personality disorders, I don't just have one, I have a headful of that. No amount of prozac, or owner coaxing, can persuade these ends to tie the knot/kiss and make up. Thence I should be paying a stylist a visit sometime soon.

I'm looking forward to the evening, but like the spring is to the nature it doesn't seem to approach at all.

Right. Its time for some telly.

2005-12-05T14:56:00.000+08:00

Some people are just human trash.

I'm so turned off by irresponsibility combined with fucking cocky attitude.

If you can't bloody grow up, then at least just be stupid by yourself and not affect the people around you.

Seriously, I'm disturbed.

2005-12-05T14:46:00.000+08:00

You know its not funny when you've just used up all your newspapers and window cleaner supplies on your pretty car and just logged on to exclaim how long it has been since your windows had been sparkling, only to look out of the window and see the skies pouring.

(-_-|||)

2005-12-04T23:22:00.000+08:00

I'm seeing these guys, 24th January 2006. Singapore Indoor Stadium. A lot of love to Melissa who pointed it out!

No, I'm not being silly - I drive to their "All I Have To Give - Conversation Mix" on repeat when I'm stuck in a jam.

Backstreet's back alright, and I never ever thought I'd ever see the day approach. I'm so counting down.

2005-12-04T14:42:00.000+08:00

Just a shoutout before I rush off for gym and errands!

2005-12-04T09:32:00.000+08:00

So I read this, and was extremely touched. I've seen her blog but I haven't really paid attention to it.

You know, death is the sudden turn which no one anticipates or even think about. So what happens when a blogger dies?

They say the internet is the invention that complicates life even more. Now you don't just have relationships physically, you have to maintain and manage them online as well. From the myriad of responses to this, it simply shows that bloggers care for one another too.

2005-12-01T23:41:00.000+08:00

I think, to make yourself invincible, you must first not speak ill of yourself.

My crumpler laptop case (School Hymn) is peeling. Is the weather too dry? Is there a crumpler moisturiser that I can buy for it?

The interview week is coming to a close, its now time for all out fun.

The body sends signals to you when something is wrong, even when the mind doesn't sense it yet.

~~and I had a pretty nice day today~~ I'm purging this fungad out of my system. I really hate you.

2005-11-27T00:13:00.000+08:00

The days of leisure never cease to slip past your conscience without you realising it. There it is, a week of glorious nothingness. There is no deadline to meet, no presentation to fret over, no fashion victims to scrutinise and bitch about over a gross canteen lunch.

Instead there is a plethora of activities that require no brainwork. Shopping, swimming, singing, eating, meeting. Agonizing over where to park my car. Having long conversations with mom. Fingering random objects just because I can. Channel surf to death. Do without the internet for a week.

The girls are half gone and I'm more aware of this than ever. Its holidays, for christ's sake, and there are no friends to party with. Met liting four times this week. Met Melissa for ktv on Friday, it was lovely. We stood up on chairs and the kbox boy walked past us a total of six times, I reckon we're the weirdest room that night, after the balding man with the scantily clad chinagirl. Chose the strangest songs - Wu Pei Ci (Chow did you know her english name is Pace Wu?), Vivian Chow, Leon Lai (OMG) and the strangest of the strangest, this stupid song by Aaron Kwok. Not my usual Dui ni ai bu wan, but even worse. Its going to irritate the hell out of the next person I'm going KTV with. Met Amelia and JY too.

Its also the first real holidays of being alone. When I wake up, there is no boy to make wakeup calls to, no one there to force to watch random B grade movies with. I've been conscious of this for a long time now, but its the first week where I have nothing to think about and everything to feel about.

Its not a bad thing, this loneliness. It wraps you as you go about life, concentrating on your little goals of each day. The silence envelops you the way only loneliness can, your surroundings washing over your ears faintly. Almost like swimming, where each destination, each task is a lap you must do. Your brain goes into autopilot: lap one, breakfast. lap two, atm. lap three, wash the car. Its uber mundane, and the busy people around you buzz about, but is noiseless - like water rippling as you stroke on.

And the loneliness, it has a character of its own. When you plunge into it, the deep sea of loneliness the way I did this holidays, it always feels refreshing first. Always. You enjoy it. Then you realise what a drag it is, how neverending it is, and if you're unlucky, on a bad day, it feels like you're walking underwater and there is no ground beneath you, no stopping of this, and you tread on, each stroke each step so difficult and different from the previous.

I happen to like swimming, so I'm determined to swim out of this muddlepuddle of feelings I'm having. I just wish it can be more friendly, this breaking up thing. Nine months on and the aftermath continues. Well, in case I don't happen to be online next week, Happy Birthday to me. :)

2005-11-24T01:47:00.000+08:00

So you know, everyday you learn something new. Especially if its Zoukday.

1. You learn never to believe your friend who has gotten herself semidrunk during the last mambo to remain sober the next zoukday (as she promised.)

2. You learn that drunk friend cannot say belt properly, and belt becomes "build" and "break" and then it becomes "my belt break... my belt no more break... my break no more belt. I throw away my belt no more break. I want my break to belt no more break. I don't want to break I don't want to belt. You messaging the message then I message the message then you tell me the message then I don't want."

3. You learn that thoughts become vocalised when you should be thinking them instead of voicing them aloud. "I want to puke I want to sleep then after I puke then how? I want to go toilet what's your problem I can walk straight." (but she didn't and couldn't!) cue: hysterical laughter from crazy drunk friend after announcing that her walk is straight ( ISN'T!) and start clapping and jumping up and down and then flopping down and lying on concrete dirty floor.

So when I had friends slumped over the concrete pavement and puking over grass patches I recall staring up to the heavens and wondering WHY my first mambo deserved a premature death. but oh well nothing feels better than getting drunkard friends back in one huge long zigzag journey.... while you're sober enough to catwalk in a straight line and realising that the ability to clean your makeup brushes with cetaphil hasn't deserted you at the same time.

4. So upon walking into zouk you learn that the bouncers' suits are now beige (beisssh) instead of brown.

Me: Hey the suits changed color!
Not very bouncy bouncer, very skinny bouncer in fact: No. Its not the suits change color. Is I change.
Me: WTF!?!?!?!?!?!?

Ten minutes later after trying to rescue the very drunk friend from the toilet and getting about five million weird stares from the zouk people in the toilet plus one tall pink-clad girl in the cubicle queue going (whisperhandsign) YOUR FRIEND IS DRUNK RIGHT, you realise: "Hey he's right its not the suits change color. Is he change the suits!"

which proceeded the very drunk friend to mull over suit-bouncer-change-color question: "Why the suits change color? Its not he change its the toilet change color. Why the toilet change color? Why did the suits change color? Why he say he change but not the suits change but the suits change color what from black change to beige why he anyhow say one i want to go and ask him why why why"

hahahahahhahah. BUT THE BOUNCER IS THE WISEST OF ALL BECAUSE ITS NOT THE SUIT CHANGE COLOR. IS HE CHANGE THE SUITS WHAT. BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO SUITS. GET IT? THERE'S ONE BEIGE SUIT AND ONE BLACK SUIT. SO THE SUITS DIDN'T CHANGE COLOR, ITS THE BOUNCER CHANGING THE SUITS.

does anyone get it?

or do I exist among morons.

so now I am sober as HELL and today is a great big laugh.

2005-11-23T18:33:00.000+08:00

Its been a crazy half week! Its the holidays and we are partying so hard our waists are being frictioned off our asses.

And its the first post exam mambo tonight! :) Rawr razr rawz lawl and its carl's junior before.

I've been spending my days well, spreading my paleness out on a beach chair and swimming in a kickass pool. Except that its quite quiet on weekdays and there is absolutely no one around.

Okie i better go so that the cellmate won't be too hungry.

2005-11-18T08:13:00.000+08:00

So I slept, fretful last night. And I found myself dreaming about a previous classmate, lets call her F. F told me she had a problem with her heart - she needed a transplant. and despite my selfish tendencies, I told her my heart's perfectly fine and she can take it if she wants.

The next I knew, I had my heart transplanted on F. And it didn't occur to me that if I gave my heart to someone else, what was I walking around with? NOTHING?

I bumped into her a week or two later (in the dream), and asked how was my heart doing. She said she was sourcing for someone else's heart because mine wasn't making the mark.

Why, I ask.

Well you don't have a lot of leadership qualities, do you? she said matter-of-factly.

WTF, thought I.

Well, not really, I said.

Yeah so its really not compatible with ME, scoffed F.

Fuck you, I gave you my only heart and that's what you say?! thought I.

But leadership and intellect has nothing to do with the heart what. I told her.

But it has, says F.

NOW, doesn't F sound like a big Fat bastard?! Well at least she didn't tell me something like "I don't want your heart because its broken into pieces. Didn't you know?" because that will seem like I'm the inapt one instead of her.

OMG what a bizarre dream to wake up to on the day of your last paper.

I'm out and when I'm back you will see an excited me, for a change.

2005-11-17T22:04:00.000+08:00

It doesn't matter to me, if I don't matter to you.

Tomorrow, I have a date with Potter, and then some supper to unwind with the uni girls.

If only I can get past tonight.

2005-11-14T14:29:00.000+08:00

Back from lunch, walking the long pathway from the road to our room. Landlady points to the opposite block, where there were five red tees hanging from the clothesline. "Monday to Friday?" she quips.

I forgot when I started noticing this, the fact is too ingrained in my conscience. An observant eye will be able to catch students don red shirts during the examination period, it could be the Chinese culture and plain superstition at work. I happen to know a dozen or more who coordinate their tops/shoes/jackets/bottles/underwear auspiciously. I expect it makes them feel more at ease. My take on this is to wear as much red as you can if it helps.

Random countdown, four days to Potter.

Puzzled over Jay's lyrics. Its such a nice song, how can the lyrics be so ordinary? I'm disappointed, should have simply left it and not dug up more. Isn't so many of life's decisions like that? It seems to me that this year, my hope extinguishes no matter how still I try to remain, and disappointment will always snake up to me no matter how quiet I stay.

I have dinner planned out, an afternoon to waste away, just came back from a nice chinwag with lish and jy who never ceases to amuse me, the loves of my NTU life. Last semester, this time, it took a KFC meal to chase the post-exam dread away to focus on the next paper. When this endless paper countdown ends, there will only be one last round. One last time, and I can bid farewell to them papers.

Classic rock (Soul Asylum, Queen) blasting out of my pretty Apple earphones, notes in front of me, DVD lying on the table innocently catching my eye. Classic afternoon dilemma.

2005-11-13T17:19:00.000+08:00

A whole lot of love to JY.

This is my best read of the day.

I'm going to say for the record that I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with plastic surgery. Just learn to love yourself more, please. It would have been a better idea to just admit it. She really does look like Fiona Xie though.

I'm staring at my badly painted nails as they type on the dusty keyboard protector. We're setting up an Apple table along the spine of school on this quiet Sunday, Liting and I. Decided a change of location will aid studying but actually I was lusting for the wireless server all along. Mozzies are absolutely not contributing to an enjoyable experience.

I've been using my laptop for so long but I cannot seem to forget how gorgeous it is! I wish I have another detachable head so that I can see my Apple icon glowing from the other angle. I'm now progressing to level two of holiday planning - no longer events, I'm drawing up shopping lists. This means I'm REALLY bored of revision.

This is an absolutely useless entry. Five days to HAIRpiness. lawl.

2005-11-11T13:53:00.000+08:00

There's nothing more lonely than studying. This has to be my first closebook in ages, I can't even recall what was the previous closebook exam prior to this.

My mind's generating holiday ideas at top speed, I find myself thinking about it as soon as I dig deep into the books! Thank god for excellent music to accompany my thoughts: I've the November Chopin (Jay), one of Ken Hirai's albums and Oasis's Greatest Hits. In my humble opinion Jay should do more of those romantic ballads of his, this way I understand his lyrics without referring to the lyrics booklet. Messaged Haiqi about it since she's the first Jay fan I think of. Ken Hirai's album is smooooth beyond words! and Oasis is my current fave band of the month. LAWL.

Last night it suddenly occurred to me that 14th is a Monday instead of a Tuesday, which means I have a whole day less to my next paper.... to think that I was cruising it all away two days ago. I should be panicking but hell to it all. :D

Right back to the books. Melissa I suddenly have this urge to watch the Mayday concert!

2005-11-10T00:13:00.000+08:00

Oh its loaded! :) Gave in to temptation and started watching Chungking Express and it has been rewarding so far. Its really sad that no one appreciates the movies that I enjoy, but I'm glad I found someone like Melissa, who likes most of the weird movies I like (one of which is that darling show Amelie) and I can indulge in Potter talk with her anytime!

Isn't it so true how nowadays, we have expiration dates fixed to everything? From bottled water, to vitamin bottles, to fruit juices. Just the other day, Liting shocked me by asking me why I never knew sanitary PADS had expiration dates too. WTF, that's not something one would normally bother to ponder over - I didn't know pads expire too.

Its so much of a way of life that one incident this year, someone came up to me and asked me how long I thought this new couple would last. I frowned and replied, isn't that too cruel a thing to do, to fix a deadline for your friends who got together? I certainly mused about how long my previous relationship would get from the cutting board of relationship judges - who would have thought it could weather so many storms. And do you actually factor in the break and patch periods, because if you did mine would have a third of its length chopped off.

The friend looked slightly taken aback by my sudden sweetness of attitude and gave me a whatdoyouknow look. "You mean you've never predicted an expiry before?" Discounting my pretense at being cool and my fake ofcourseidids, we started comparing couples we came across to the one before us and decided on the deadly date.

So movies, these fickle dreams. How well they capture your fascination and tickle your imagination. Kaneshiro's role in this movie reminds me of how I love the way he used to look, that dreamboat! All that freshfaced and floppy haired goodness he embodied. My favourite movies have a strong time element and extra attention in details. Female leads wonder about how many orgasms the city was having at a particular moment (Amelie), become crazy dogoodfools (Amelie), and tyrants to their boyfriends(My Sassy Girl). Male leads play lovesick fools counting their breakup periods with expiration dates on pineapple cans (Chungking Express), hoarders who draw portraits of their girls over and over and over again (Great Expectations), and stun you with their iloveyouandonlyyou smiles and their kissme eyes (okay i'm cheating i got distracted and thought about Takuya Kimura!).

So this entry is making me feel really happy right now and I'm smiling to myself as I recall my favourite movies.

An aside: hey sherman, Chungking Express starts its plot on 28th April 1994. I noticed. Just thought you'd like to know.

2005-11-09T09:28:00.000+08:00

There's almost nothing to look forward to except this, so I'm joining the ranks of my lawlies to put this up:

I absolutely cannot wait.

just thinking about watching the trailers before the movie makes me want to squeal. The pre-pottermovie mania has begun, the digging up of the book for leisure toilet reading, the gabbling with friends, the constant incidents of overhearing stupid freshies talking about it "I can't believe it!! *squeal* I waited since January you know?!" while queuing for meals at the canteens.

I'd really like to watch it on the premiere night but drats to exams.

So yesterday was my first paper, and feeling rather unprepared I made my way there with JY. Yet it feels really quite nice when you're just lolling outside the examination venue, where the people around you are all familiar faces instead of strange nerds you thought they were in year one. Well, granted they are all still nerds but at least you recognise them. Which was the same feeling I had when I had my A level prelims. Its nice, this comfortable feeling.

So I'm not going to take down my rant or my previous posts because I see no need to. No need to take back what you intended to say in the first place, no need to apologise when you don't have to, no need to waste anymore time on the issue.

Had supper with Alice Liting and Keong yesterday, and I have to say I enjoyed it. Its been so long, so tiring these days, and most of the time I see my accounting friends instead of old familiar faces. Just like how this afternoon, I heard someone behind me looking for Classroom Five in the exam hall, and I thought which muddle student actually couldn't find their venue... until later after the exam when I saw Yaen outside my hall looking slightly lost. I really miss school days. And these people grew up with you, saw you through your stained skirts, the recess showers in the huge sec 3 level toilets, the taking orders and rushing down for briyani on fridays. It was all good.

I can't remember who said this comment but I think I heard it a couple of days back. Why are we twentyone and still acting like kids, blaming each other and pointing fingers? I think I have a response for that. We're all different people and we have different views on the same matter. No matter how many years has passed, you cannot expect each one of us to evolve into someone so different from what we were that we don't have the same priorities or thinking as before. I think I haven't changed much, except to be more negative instead of being crazyhappyproud and giddily happy all the time. which i miss very much, but I think I became this way when I realise what is important to me. and I want to hold on to it tight, because it matters to me.

I look back on my days of this later half of year, or even this entire year, and I have been frowning more than I smiled, and when I did laugh I don't think I'd even really feel the happiness half of the time. In this stringent structured and pressurizing faculty where everyone is so severe, so focussed, I end up feeling less than adequate and seriously lost.

But its okay, everything will fluctuate back to happiness again, I believe.

2005-11-08T19:03:00.000+08:00

Am back, revision period is always a dreary period. It still feels good to be alone in a room, where i "can do whatever the fuck i want" as the landlady so often puts it.

Seriously, can I really do whatever the fuck I want? It seems like everyone else is doing whatever the fuck they want, certainly. Those who want to go abroad left, those who want to waste their lives away seems to be doing so happily, and those who are aimless are happy being as aimless as they can get.

I'm just trying to do what I'm supposed to do to the best of my abilities.

On defenses. When someone hits you repeatedly with a metal stool, do you stand there and let them? Until the blood starts to flow, the tear ducts still stunned from the silence and the suddenness of it all.

When someone you know repeatedly steals your wallet and places it under the most responsible students and expects you to accuse them instead of her, would you?

When someone you love lies over and over, do you succumb to your weakest senses and go on believing?

Experiences made me this way, I learn from my mistakes and try to incorporate them into my principles.

Why are you this way? Why are you so afraid of commitment? Because you've been let down before and you cannot open up so readily again. Why are you so afraid of a change of heart? Because you've seen someone who was a victim of it. Why are friends so important to you? Because without them it seems like you have nothing. Why are you so staunch on not judging? Because you know how it feels like to be judged.

Everyone learns something unique from their experiences. Just like how I cannot tell you how it feels like to have a sibling, you can't tell me how it feels like to be an only child. I'm like that just because you're not.

I wish I can have a break from this whole year, but can I? I'd like to go crazy and start ranting, ~~but I can't~~ so I'm going to.

FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER YOU FUCKING BASTARD OF A MAN. I WISH I CAN RUN AWAY FROM THIS BUT I CAN'T I WISH THINGS CAN GO BACK TO THREE YEARS AGO BUT CAN IT ITS BEEN A LONG FUCKING EXHAUSTING NONSTOP NO REST RESTLESS YEAR WHERE I HAVE NO PROPER REST NO PROPER SPACE NO PROPER SILENCE WHERE I CAN TALK TO MYSELF AND THINK AND SHUT THE FUCKING WORLD OUT AND I MISS YOU SO AND YET I DONT I KNOW IT HURTS AND I KNOW IVE HURT YOU BUT THIS CANNOT GO ON AND YET IT MUST GO ON THIS WHOLE FUCKING PROCESS OF HURT AND HEALING AND HURT AND TEARS AND CRY AND CALL AND TEARS AND WHY AND SIGH AND WHAT HAPPENED AND IT IS SO FUCKING EXHAUSTING AND I HAVE NO MORE ENERGY TO GO ON, IM SPENT. IF A DIDNT HAPPEN AND IF B DIDNT HAPPEN AND IF C DIDNT HAPPEN AND ALL THE WAY TO THE Z INCIDENTS BUT THEY DID AND I'M AWARE OF THAT SO I HAVE TO MOVE ON I HAVE TO GO AND I HAVE TO LEAVE AND EVERYONES UNHAPPY AND THERES THE STRONG THERES THE ONE WHO LOVES ME THERES THE ONE WHOS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME AND IM AFRAID OF HURTING IM AFRAID OF FAILING IM AFRAID OF LOSING IM AFRAID OF NOT MAKING IT AND I DONT WANT TO BE IN THIS RUT THIS PLACE THIS FUCKED UP NOMADIC SPACE IN MY MIND WHERE I GO FROM HERE TO THERE AND THERE TO HERE AND UP AND DOWN AND IT MAKES ME FEEL EXHAUSTED AND YET I CANNOT STOP AND I HAVE SO MANY THINGS SO MANY BELONGINGS WHEN I JUST SIMPLY WANT TO THROW THEM ASIDE AND BELONG ONLY TO ONE. PLACE PERSON HEART SPOT ROOM PEAK HOME. ITS SO FUCKING COMPLICATED AND I AM SO FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF EXPLAINING AND I CAN'T BE DOING THIS ITS STUPID THIS CYCLICAL BLAMING PROCESS THIS FUCKED UP SCREWED UP PERIOD IM STRONGER THAN THIS IM STRONGER THAN YOU AND YET YOURE AHEAD AND YET NO ONE KNOWS ALL THE FUCK YOURE DOING YOU THINK YOULL GET AWAY WITH IT JUST LIKE HOW YOU FUCKING GOT AWAY WITH EVERYTHING ALL YOUR FUCKING As ALL THAT FUCKING NONSENSE ALL YOUR FUCKING WHINING YOUR STUPID I WISHS YOUR FUCKING ERNESTS I FUCKING HATE YOU IF THERES NO LAW I WILL SURELY STAB YOU BUT THEN THAT WILL SERIOUSLY BE IN MY DREAMS I REALLY HATE THIS WHEN WILL THIS END WHEN WILL IT STOP?

and so this goes on in my head when i really want to let it all out. and please for god's sake don't think you are the ONLY one i think about the ONLY issue i have in my life and the ONLY person i hate, because this whole fucking rant is not just about one stupid stranger whom i don't even know.

2005-10-28T21:40:00.000+08:00

?Wanqing:: give me chocolate. says:? (9:31:55 PM)
but i want chocolate
?
?xxx says:
i still watching conan
?
?Wanqing:: give me chocolate. says:? (9:31:57 PM)
shitfuck
?
?Wanqing:: give me chocolate. says:? (9:32:03 PM)
i forgot to buy just now when i went out
?
?Wanqing:: give me chocolate. says:? (9:32:03 PM)
sian
?
?xxx says:
SIAN
?
xxx says:
do u feel like u're up to going out again to get it
?
?Wanqing:: give me chocolate. says:? (9:32:53 PM)
dunno ley
?
xxx says:
cost> benefit
?
?Wanqing:: give me chocolate. says:? (9:33:07 PM)
yahor
?
xxx says:
with opportunity cost also
?
xxx says:
haa
?
xxx says:
do we accountants all think like that
?
?Wanqing:: give me chocolate. says:? (9:33:47 PM)
im going to blog abt it
?
xxx says:
its scary sometimes
?
?Wanqing:: give me chocolate. says:? (9:33:58 PM)
dont u think all the ppl around us are so jaded
?
?Wanqing:: give me chocolate. says:? (9:34:04 PM)
like, u ask them something
?
?Wanqing:: give me chocolate. says:? (9:34:17 PM)
they will tell u.. "bo hua"... "so stupid"... "whats the pt"...
?
xxx says:
I DUN WANT TO BE LIKE MECHANICAL PENCIL LIKE THAT
?
?Wanqing:: give me chocolate. says:? (9:34:25 PM)
esp those in aactancy
?
?Wanqing:: give me chocolate. says:? (9:34:28 PM)
OMG
?
?Wanqing:: give me chocolate. says:? (9:34:31 PM)
i laughed out loud leh
?
?Wanqing:: give me chocolate. says:? (9:34:36 PM)
ARE U A MECHANICAL PENCIL
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:35:00 PM)
u so cute
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:35:11 PM)
anyway no one knows who is weiksies so u r safe
?
xxx says:
hahaa
?
xxx says:
wats weiksies
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:36:09 PM)
u are weiksies
?
xxx says:
an i'm just making an analogy
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:36:22 PM)
like shuihui is lish so it is lishie
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:36:25 PM)
er
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:36:27 PM)
I DONT CARE
?
xxx says:
I"M NOT A MECHANICAL PENCIL
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:36:32 PM)
your analogy is funny
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:36:39 PM)
WTF IS A MECHANICAL PENCIL ANALOGY
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:36:47 PM)
why is it not a normal analogy like ROBOT
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:36:51 PM)
or HANDPHONE
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:36:54 PM)
or KETTLE
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:36:58 PM)
or TELEVISION
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:37:02 PM)
why must be pencil LOL
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:37:08 PM)
then who is a NORMAL pencil
?
xxx says:
haaahaaa
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:37:14 PM)
and who is the sharpener
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:37:17 PM)
lol
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:37:19 PM)
can i be the eraser
?
xxx says:
okie
?
xxx says:
eraser
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:38:04 PM)
okie
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:38:11 PM)
i am an eraser who wants to eat chocolate
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:38:20 PM)
actually i got chungkeng express dvd with me leh
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:38:27 PM)
chong qing sen ling
?
xxx says:
its that old film?
?
xxx says:
think not nice
?
xxx says:
and u know i just realise u changed your nic
?
xxx says:
bah
?
?Wanqing:: weiksies is a mechanical pencil says:? (9:40:04 PM)
ey u stop typing i want to cut and paste this stupid conversation into my blog to show how bored i am

2005-10-28T20:43:00.000+08:00

I've

breakfasted
blogsurfed
posted 20 posts on the bimbo forum
cleared out my drawers
arranged my extra wires
chucked out my expired makeup
spoken to my Mom four times
bathed twice
dressed up to the nines
wore the new heels
made up
strutted to Shen Qi for dinner
went to watson's and spent some bucks
found curling tongs for 9 bucks
bought yong tau fu

... and still not studied.
God help me.

(hello to bored blogsurfers, I'm surfing yours too.)

2005-10-24T18:17:00.000+08:00

This post is for Dot, because I was ranting to her and she couldn't view the links of the pictures.

Honestly, WHY and HOW did nicole ritchie lose 99% of herself in a year or so? For god's sake, go get yourself a cheeseburger.

I'm not even going to get started on men and their unrealistic ideal female figures. It takes a woman 20 hours a day x 100 years and nothing to do throughout the century to look like Angelina Jolie, or a lot of work and NO food to look like Nicole Kidman. Now its one lifetime to get a figure like theirs, and then we all have to die and spend the next lifetime trying to get their style.

Honestly.

Nicole Ritchie turns me OFF. Death to all Hollywood IT girls, but my secret loves are Lindsay Lohan and Rachel Bilson. (Oh Summer you are so gorgeous.)

I've been visiting The Bag Blog and Bagtrends lately, they offer me so much news on new bags. Well, you need a lot of entertainment during revision hibernation.

2005-10-23T10:02:00.000+08:00

Back for updates!

I've been making Europe plans the past year but as usual, my major travel plans are always wrecked by family. So no go this time, but I remain hopeful (Goodness knows how much hope i have left.)

The landlady has turned me into some sort of Nightwish admirer, I think amsies should be happy to hear this. But when you appreciate music are you supposed to pretend like the woman singing isn't wailing like a banshee? Cos I like the music but I think she's a wailer.

The major crisis of Saturday was how I felt extremely full, but could still smell the curry flavoured maggi mee when I set eyes on the packet. So there I was, full, and I'd turn and look at the maggi mee packet and the smell is suddenly filling the room. Its so strange!

I've also had an increase of 250 songs in my iTunes. Cool.

Oh, and I spent four figures shopping last week. Got myself a KICK ASS new wallet, the Monogram Vernis Indigo with six cardslots, bill slot and coinpouch. Its so pretty, its prettier than me.

I thought my buys were ending but I ran into the MAC's revelation of their new line, and they carried the mini brushes I was ogling at!

I think I went into the MAC store three times previously to check out to see if its there. I just like how compact it is, and the brushes work fine too.

2005-10-18T02:40:00.000+08:00

I have nothing to say except total disappointment. in myself.

2005-10-16T23:38:00.000+08:00

Why didn't anyone tell me how weary it is to fill up application forms? Yet I must not forget how lucky it is that I can even fill these up, to be even considered. What makes me think I am better than the next person?

Birthdays are coming up, I just received Eli's SMS invitation. Chilly Sunday nights and Alanis Morrissette croonings, I have three tests that I have absolutely NOT studied for at all. I need some help here.

Impending doom and setting-in fatigue unwithheld, travel plans are facing problems. Must be the curse of the Procrastinator, its all closing in on me now.

Nothing is going to change. Not you, not me. Not the situation. Not the present, not the past. Which means that the future is one straight road ahead. No matter what you think, or I thought.

The loneliness monster is eating me up. I have not had non-family contact in the past three days, and strange enough, I am quite up-nosed about that. I should be studying.

The closer it is to tests/exams, the more incoherent I am.

In other news, remember Harold Pinter? He won the Nobel Prize for Literature! Hurrah, at least i read him when I was 18. Have you? I forgot the title of the book, the characters (all except Sam. I remember a Sam.) and how provocative the mood of the play is. Can you forget everything about a play except how it felt like? Its coming back to me now, I recall a Teddy. Ah, well. The good old days of poring over the slightly brown-yellowish pages of a book, relishing in nothing but words (and not numbers).

Maybe I am a study-er. I study words, books, numbers - for the next few years I hope to study the anatomy of the male body. *grin*

2005-10-14T15:07:00.000+08:00

Foot woes have been settled, checked the crystal ball and it should heal by end of the week. I am being optimistic.

I need more friends with driving licences?! I had to call almost everyone to get a ride today, and I failed!

Want to write more but back is achey. Have a nice weekend!

2005-10-12T03:23:00.000+08:00

Am back from study/supper (studypper) session with avery rhoda and am really knackered.

I've concluded that I'm really super popular in the dead of the night: I come on and 3 people start flooding me - but only because they're all in foreign lands and I'm prolly the only one awake on their lists. Unless they have NTU hall friends, that is.

Was browsing through her Cleo and realised that Anna Sui is having a superb promotion: spend $150 and get a lomo supersampler free. I've always wanted a lomo, and its rad that the cover is so pretty. How?! was intending to put the lomo on my birthday festival wishlist. Anyway I have NO need for more cosmetics. She reckons I should just buy a lomo instead of getting the free one. But I dont need it either.

Well, isn't the shopping bug the biggest devil of all?

Okay, I'm hanging my knickers up on the knocker and bring my knackered body to bed. (hahahaha, see, I'm trying to alliterate the kn*ckers.) whatever! *lindsay lohan wave of hands*

2005-10-11T21:36:00.000+08:00

Well, I've always told you I would have my own comic.

You know how people always say, find the beauty in life instead of grumbling about it?

Well, there's nothing really beautiful about today. I woke up at 4AM this morning to voices of hall people groaning about the blackout. In the corridors. Downstairs. Next block. Yes, I could hear all of it. Apparently the landlady says it was longer than I did and I reckon I was lucky to wake up much later than I should. Seriously, whiney freshies should just hold their heads underwater for two hours inside nanyang lake. Like, to wake them up or something. Like, whatever. *lindsay lohan wave of hands*

Here's something I bet you've always thought about, but didn't say aloud: Why did Savage Garden break up?! They make such cool music. Okay okay, I know you music junkies out there think I'm some stupid mainstream pop bimbo or something, which I am. But I just like them, and they remind me of secondary school so much.

I really should be studying.

2005-10-11T00:23:00.000+08:00

Take on today:

** Forgot about arranged meeting with Liting to get the bracelet. I wanted to beat myself up, except that I felt really beat as it is, so I gave up. For the record, I was doing my project + embracing my sad lunch at half past three.

** And then I forgot about Amsie's arranged meeting with tong online and she had to give me three missed calls which i didn't pick up.

** Plus I forgot about the CDs I'm supposed to pass to Ams today.

** Why is O.C. *so* addictive? I just watched Season 2 Ep 11, and its not even remotely exciting - so why do I yearn for ep 12 then? Am I an american serial whore atop holding the label for shoewhore and gossipbitch as it is?

** Mondays are stupid.

2005-10-10T19:10:00.000+08:00

In audit class today, the tutor randomly said: "Just like how you cry in your sleep due to all the bad childhood abuse you suffered years ago..."

And the class laughed. chortled.

Hey, some people do suffer from this, alright? Not all of us are sweet Singaporean kids that come from safe families. Seriously, the people in the faculty are idiots.

So anyway, hello to you reading this, have you met my Monday Blues? Yes, it's speaking right now! *roll eyes*

2005-10-09T23:53:00.000+08:00

So today was a feel-good day. Woke up this morning in time to be on time for the first Sunday engagement, and travel plans were initiated in good spirits. Bought a-dollar kopi peng, there's nothing like bad kopitiam coffee to wake the hazy mind, and was chugging away until the travelmates came.

Its cool, came back to hall to find a lengthy email about intinery. Something tells me its good to have proactive travelmates. So I have to go get started on my tutorial, has it already reached the terminal stage of Review Tutes already?! God save me! I'm still giving lapdances to my plastic stool in sync with my iTunes, WHY is the term ending already?

Oh I bought new jeans! Exciting week ahead, I can't wait.

2005-10-08T23:55:00.000+08:00

Let's start off by talking what could have been today, but didn't. I could have sat down and started revision, met and made tour plans, have dinner with the M, spill out everything that is eating me up to that certain someone who wasn't, and return my missed calls, but I didn't.

It could have been an anything weekend. But it wasn't.

I don't know, but could have been the drab week that made me lose interest. The only fabulous thing that occurred the past three days was meeting up with the girls for dinner on friday. I forgot how fun it could be, how spilling out your guts and what you've been thinking about to trusted friends felt like. It felt refreshing. And for once, to them, I didn't have insecurities and funny stories about crushes, crushing stories about relationships, and complaints about the faculty. I think I've progressed, I just don't recognise it.

Its nice to be discussing topics only "within the table", and as usual I interrupted most of the conversation flow with irrelevants. Missed you, euphie and liyi, and its funny how wherever we go, the fun always gets going at Mos Burger. Must be the cheap milk tea to keep the talk going.

Candice, you have no idea how happy I am, for you. You deserve everything that's happening to you now, you know that?

Its just nice that my friends are settling down in their lives.

(iTunes: Last to know, Color Me Badd)

Is it laying awake in the middle of the night
Thinking 'bout what went wrong?

Cause when I look in your eyes
Its just not there
And when I hunger for affection
The cupboard is bare
I don't know why I keep hanging on
When love's got the message
And its already gone

Why am I always the last to know?
Tell me why is it always me alone
Still dancing when the party's over?
Why am I always the last to see?
Just a fool believes you're still in love with me
Even love can see its over
Always the last to know

Oh yes, I discovered this song when I was twelve. Nice, seeing that at that age I discovered how i hate being the last to know. And by twenty-one, its also very nice to discover that the closest people to me doesn't know me well enough to know I hate being the last to know.

My expectations are way too high but I cannot compromise. Instead of being continually disappointed by you, I'd rather take a step back from what used to be and be happier. Because I'm not made to be treated like that, I deserve some respect from you, because if I were in your position I would never have acted the way you did. I deserve better than that from you if I would have given you more if I were you.

Its funny how blasting the songs you listened in primary school will make you feel so inadequate. So many dreams and plans - its turned out a lot crappier than I expected. Why? What went wrong, hon, I ask myself.

2005-10-06T14:09:00.000+08:00

I've only been awake a couple of hours, but I've attended a seminar, drove home to collect my suit and back and even got lunch on the way.

We've got something big on campus tonight and I'm really feeling too tired out to be anticipating it. In fact, I'm quite compelled to skip this lesson I'm having in half an hour's time and konk out in the room, but I guess etiquette dictates I've got to turn up for it.

I am having a billion and one thoughts right now, my brain doesn't even seem to register all of them. That said and done, I've not been myself this week, it feels like my soul is surviving outside my body. Where've all the fun gone, or is it true, I'm not used to having too much time on my hands?

2005-10-06T01:07:00.000+08:00

Why am I even bothering to blog now?! [iTunes: Still, 98 degrees]

Its late, we just watched six eps of O.C. in a row today. For the record, I hate Marissa Cooper and I think she's just being a big fat pain in the ass. Lindsey, of course, is a world apart (I'm at Season 2 Ep 10). [iTunes: Dao Dai, Jay Chou version]

Oh, I'm so bored, I'm going to do one of those meme things:

A is for age: I am twenty, i will be forever twentyone, but if given a choice i'd like to stay fifteen forever.
B is for booze of choice: Vodka is good enough for me.
C is for career: You tell me.
D is for your dad's name: D, didn't you just say it?
E is for essential items to bring to a party: Party cheer! *grin*
F is for favourite song at the moment: Home, Michael Buble - and Sway, Bic Runga
G is for favourite game: Othello a.k.a. Reversi. Its my best. and Connect Four because its so brainless.
H is for home town: No towns in Singapore.
I is for instruments you play: Recorder, Harmonica, Piano, Clarinet, and I have a violin which I do not touch.
J is for jam or jelly you like: The two Macdonald's flavours for breakfast
K is for kids: I hate kids.
L is for living arrangements: Oh, you don't know? I only sleep on waterbeds, and the bed has to be four-legged, sturdy wood, and at least seven feet above ground. If not I'd rather sleep on the floor.
M is for mom's name: M.
N is for name of your crush: *grin* which one, hon?
O is for overnight hospital stays: dengue fever. it holds one of my favouritest memories, by the way.
P is for phobias: eep. Ghosts. piano exams. not getting my first choice.
Q is for quotes you like: "and let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure" (Dumbledore, HP Book 6)
R is for relationship that lasted the longest: six years.
S is for sexual preference: only males need apply.
T is for time you wake up: when my body does.
U is for underwear: I prefer clean ones.
V is for vegetables you love: lady's fingers/potatoes/cai xin. greens in particular.
W is for weekend plans: sunday breakfasts and saturday girls nights out.
X is for x-rays you've had: can't remember.
Y is for yummy food you make: i cook a really mean maggi mee dish.
Z is for zodiac sign: Sagittarius. (I believe my true soulmate will be a Saggitaurian)

2005-10-05T01:49:00.000+08:00

My day was so filled today, if it was a shopping bag I'd be the happiest girl around tonight.

We scooted off to get lish a birthday icecream tub and had a nice poolside chat in the middle of the night. Its quite incredible, four cute little girls who came together and were mutual idiots in uni. Now we're just jaded old farts trying to make light of our lives - but I digress.

Birthdays are always magical, just like today was. Things speeded up a little and while its only Tuesday, I'm feeling upbeat and excited. Morning came, we headed off for lessons and then after a totally wasted three-hour seminar, it was time for lunch with the momster. I get this feeling like I was missed, so it felt really great.

Scooted back again, and we had a kickass WTF cake made in honour of lishie. It was exactly what she wished for so I hope her temporary wishes were fulfilled. Hootsies is an absolute dearie for going home to make a cake and coming back to school to deliver it.

Dinner was fabulous and then I had to rush back to school to meet weik for our weekly jog. It was good, we lasted the killer route and I think I killed some time off the previous attempt, and to top it off I didn't feel tired at all throughout the hour. Its nice to have tutorialmates do something other than sitting in class, and I've been doing a lot of that this semester. Makes the faculty seem so humane as compared to NUS, I dunno, its like you go through four years and wouldn't even know a third of the faculty's names. I feel better off here.

P.S. I guess some fantasies are not meant to be fulfilled, so please clear up those thoughts of yours.

2005-10-03T21:07:00.000+08:00

Dear Guys-who-laugh-at-me-because-I-can't-parallel-park,

FUCK YOU. and stupid people shall not be entertained. *grin*

2005-10-02T22:26:00.000+08:00

Its every day
I'm in this place
I feel this way
I feel the same
Its everyday
I'm in this place
I feel this way
I feel the same

Is it all inside my head?
Is it all inside my head?

- Breathe my name, Sixpence None the Richer

Get me out of this place, I can't seem to do my financial instruments' workshop seminar.

2005-10-01T10:43:00.000+08:00

Its ten fortyone in the morning, I just crawled out of bed, and wondered where the morning went.

Saturday morning - of melancholic songs immediately when you wake up, of birds chirping outside your window, pretty pretty weather and weekend filled with plans.

This Saturday morning feels like an abnomaly: It actually feels more like an extension of Friday night. Because of the aching thighs, the weary mind, the helpless feeling I can't help having.

If you leave who will fill that space, and listen to me when I cry?

But I suppose I will learn to survive, just like whatever's happened prior to now. You stop, think, make plans and learn to adapt. What's the other alternative, sit, wallow in self pity and drown yourself (in sorrow)? The choice is glaring.

I'm taking a shower now, getting my crap together, wear my kickass new bracelet THAT I MADE, and lope off for breakfast with Liting the scarygirl who bit me until I had a blueblack in the shape of her teethbite.

2005-10-01T02:00:00.000+08:00

OMG i just went jogging with boon just now. I think i'm too slow.

must train must train must train why are my thighmuscles so wimpy its okay my thighs are wimpy but my mind is not - but if it isn't why did i keep wanting to stop when i was running?

The Equation of Rationale
+ didn't exactly stop to walk
- because everytime I tried to stop I was stopped
+ longest distance I ran in school
- wimped out and took the shortcut at the end
- i'm no wonder woman
- i'm not fit
- this is not helping because i'm already not [fill in the blanks with every good quality you can think of]
- I hate trying so hard
- why can't I jog like a normal person
+ at least I jogged
+ at least I tried my best
+ at least my jogging partner didn't desert me
+ I learnt how it feels not to be deserted
- its hard when someone expects something from you [like jogging at his pace]
+ at least I have rad kickass shoes to jog in
+ I'm alive
+ I'm getting fitter
+ fuck you if you say I'm fat because I'm getting thinner.
(10 pros vs 8 cons)

Verdict// Solution:: Positive.

okay, its time to attack Consolidation. I'm going to rape the text.

2005-09-30T23:29:00.000+08:00

So I unvelcro-ed my bag, whipped out my gorgeous chinatown purse and fingered the Carrefour receipt. Thought for two split seconds, and tore it in half.

Wrote my name and number on it.

Lingered in the shadows.

Smiled to myself and called two people for support.

And decided that its so silly, I'm too old for this, and so I walked to the train station, dropped at the next station, and drove off into the moonlight - and couldn't stop smiling to myself the whole trip back.

God, it feels SO DARN GOOD to feel like a fucking teenager again. Yes, its time well spent.

2005-09-29T22:31:00.000+08:00

Hello Kitty no more, its a bit silly writing behind a mask.

Its awful quiet tonight and I'm feeling quite melancholic listening to Corinne May's soulful voice. (ahh my iTunes just miraculously shuffled to Caught in the Act!)

Popped down to the bakchormee kopitiam near campus after a long day, and while the landlady slurped to her fill, I satisfied my discerning tastebuds with the bursting sweet taste of the stallmade lemon tea in a fancy cup, you know, the type they serve dinomilo in.

I noticed how the table behind us had construction workers staring hard at the beergirl who was serving drinks to them. Can't men understand how leery looks strip every bit of dignity a girl deserves away from her? To think I once shared a table with a man just like that.

I also realised how realistically practical these girls are. Oblivious to the stares, they carry on with their job with an air of nonchalence. Stare all you want, its just another job. And I totally agree. You need a job for whatever reasons, but if the paycheck can support your needs and you're not pimping your body, then by all means do it. Its the men who put these girls in a tight spot anyways. They do not attend to normal drinking needs (read: soft drinks and kopi-os), but only answer to semi-drunk men.

A few moons back, Melis popped the occasional question of "do you get disturbed by dirty old men (DOM)?" and I'd like to say I do, but the only time I get assaulted by these lechers are when I sit down to a greasy meal at hawker stalls - I hardly take public transport and don't live in an estate filled with them - and even when I do encounter these I'm usually with company. So no, luckily I'm spared.

She then recounted how many crap comments and encounters she's heard from around, and its appalling. Have you encountered any? I'm guessing only friends are reading this, but I haven't heard much complaints in this aspect. Or was it that we've never really touched on this topic before?

Well, anyway, just for mention's sake - always remember that no one can outrage your modesty if you don't allow them to. So at the very least, put out a good fight if anything happens and let them have a piece of your mind. And always remember to shout at the top of your voice. Its not very easy to remember this when you're blacking out from the shock but its important.

And with that, I'm out to watch Reservoir Dogs with the landlady and we're getting drowned with whats left of our vodka. Cheers to that!

2005-09-29T20:24:00.000+08:00

Put on your kickass longsleeve pinkshinystriped workshirt, fancypants and hipsterleatherbelt and drag your feet to yet another recruitment drive. They always tell you the same thing, how great their corporate culture is, push out their powerhotshots from abroad and say, in their fancy american accents and report their performance to you.

Yet you can hear how they don't really want to be here, how they'd rather drive home from work and watch CNN over the dinner the maid cooked and listen to how their Raffles-educated or international school childrens' day went.

Then they shine the spotlight on an alumni member and the young ambitious punk go on to tell you just how much he enjoyed his work, just to impress aforementioned hotshot. and you leave thinking oh god, just let me be a student.

Fastforward to opening the room door, changing into your FBT shorts and JC orientation tee, and you're sitting in front of your gorgeous powerbook, fingering the keys, and pretending the ordeal in your fancypants was just all a fancypants dream.

2005-09-28T20:35:00.000+08:00

List of Favourites. Its going to be interesting, and 'twill be updated frequently.

I'm making a list and checking it twice: -

A
Ariel
Audrey Hepburn

B
Blogsurfing
Books
Bubble tea
Borders
Buffets
Baby animals
Back-to-school shopping
Bedok
Beatles
Belle

C
Circuit Road
Chocolates
Carl's Junior
Cleo
Classic Rock
Crumpler
Changi Village Nasi Lemak
Che Guevera
Carlton

D
Donuts
Dates

E
Enid Blyton
East Coast Park
Elephants
Ethan Hawke
Ewan Mcgregor

F
Far East Plaza
Free Parking
Fresh sun-kissed bedsheets
Fierce looking malay girls

G
Girlfriends
Guys who look delicious in white shirts
Goodwood Park Hotel

H
Hello Kitty
Hainanese chicken Rice
Hunks
Hong Kong
Hawker centres

I
Ice-cream
iPod
Iced Lemon Tea
iTunes
Intellectual men
iCal

J
Jazz
Jalan Kayu

K
Kakashi

L
Louis Vuitton
London
Live bands

M
Money
Mercedes SLK
Mahjong
Mazda 3
Martinis
Mao Zedong
Movie dates
MAC
Makeup

N
Neverending kisses
New York

O
O Bar

P
Paris
Porn
Pasta
Pastamania
Powerbook

Q
Queers

R
Romance
Roti Prata
Rain shower
Restaurants
Ralph Lauren Romance
Russell Crowe
Roses

S
Shopping
Sarah Jessica Parker
Sex and the City
Serangoon Gardens
Sound of rain
Self-gratification

T
Takuya Kimura
Tokyo
Takashimaya
Travelling!
Teaching tuition

U
Uzumaki Naruto

V
Vodka

W
Wala wala

X
X-men movies

Y

Z
Zouk
Ztamp

2005-09-28T18:55:00.000+08:00

So a friend came and gave me her blog address today - a nice surprise, seeing that it really is quite interesting. That's something I'm happy about today.

So among the mundane activities of my life, I found time to bluetack the spare pictures of me and eups on the wall. I have a digital camera but have never printed any pictures ever. maybe i'll start this weekend. I also found time to load most of my songs into the powerbook.

So I'm sitting here, singing along to cheesy boyband songs, and imitating the "erh!"s of michael jackson, and swinging my earlobes to Rock DJ of Robbie Williams (The God of Furry Chests) and I'm pondering, what constitutes the life of an accountancy student?

Do they bitch about fellow facultymates, come back to their hallrooms and sing lawl music, storm their thunderthighs to mambo music on their iTunes, play showermusic for their roommates, let their readings lie in a heap on the floor next to their toes, and blogsurf their whole day away? Because that's what I did.

No. Because, just like the mundaneness of today, I reached into the intricacies and beauty of the web, and discovered even more blogs of fellow students. We found strange narcissistic pictures and poses and posts, and boring entries made to sound interesting. Hell, even watching my toenails grow would a more interesting activity make.

Which made me totally convinced that for some, there is nothing except readings and making that first class. Well, I did the wise - stop reading, since I just didn't like how it was said. Plus their spelling sucked.

I say fuck the fuckers and lawl on, lawlers! I'm outta here, we're getting sushi for dinner! Its a kickass life here from Lawlieland.

2005-09-27T20:49:00.000+08:00

Isn't this a gorgeous sight? There are parrots on the tree nearest to my corridor, and they feed on berries every evening. There are flocks of them, all prettylimegreen in color, and they squawk to each other when its time to leave. I love this campus, because beyond the drab grayness there lies the understated beauty of wildlife. Last weekend, I saw a squirrel scamper up a tree on the field outside canteen 2, but I couldn't take a picture because I was driving off.

2005-09-27T19:47:00.000+08:00

Today, for a change, I drove home to pick up my businesswear for a talk in school - picked up a fresh, fat, juicy and gloriously yellow lye before I popped out of the door again.

I never thought I'd say this, but the fucking lye looks like its the most beautiful thing in the world. It was glowing, and so fat and filled with juice. Its almost like how a starving snake who's been hunting for a week would see the fucking fat and juicy and HUGE rat I saw a couple of weeks back in canteen 2. One never knows what he'd appreciate until it happens. I swear I'll never see a lye in the same way again.

In other news: I went to town the whole afternoon today and didn't spend a single cent. JY I love you for being so supportive (L) ({}) I will hunt down the tightbutt lawlmoh and present it to you as prey.

So all in all, today was incrediblely nothing but oh so blissful anyway. Now, if only Sunday would come quickly.

2005-09-26T19:22:00.000+08:00

It feels like yet another longest day of the year, yet it seems strange because I only had a late afternoon class and even spent half the day away in town.

Have arranged and reserved places with Mom for a weekend Cocoa lunch, and I absolutely cannot wait, and in fact, counting down to the day like never before.

Its a week of firsts for me:

Living on green tea
Picked up a book (Diary - Chuck Palahniuk)
Adding titles to my "Track XXXs" in iTunes
Importing my CD collection into iTunes
Revision

And if you're reading this, and you're from my faculty, and you think I don't have your blog, you're wrong. I have your blog. LOL. Just in case you think you're watching me and I don't know it, you're wrong. We're watching each other! :)

2005-09-26T09:57:00.000+08:00

Sighted on Straits Times Life:

"ICE CREAM GIANT'S IN TOWN

You don't have to resort to foraging petrol kiosks for your Ben & Jerry's fix. The American premium ice cream brand has planted a franchise outlet in United Square. The Happy People Co has just bought the franchise rights to Singapore (an outlet in the Singapore zoo is operated by the zoo) and will open a second branch in Suntec City next month, and a third in Great World City in November. Eighteen flavours are available at any one time, at #02-K1 United Square, Tel: 6732-6198"

Best news I've heard today, so far.

2005-09-25T01:51:00.000+08:00

Why do I falter, so easily, when I speak to you? The tears, they fall freely - my secrets, they spill effortlessly. Why?

I think I know the reason.

---

I hate Suntec's screwedup carpark layout. Yes, its pretty nice that its so fucking huge when I get there during peak hours. But when its late, and all I want to do is to get my ass back home quick, there are burly, saggy and old guards telling me I can only take the lift that is the furthest away from my parking zone. It really doesn't make sense when I can just take twenty steps and go down the escalator that leads straight to my car.

---

I have no idea why I spend my emotions so freely. Does it have to do with shopping habits? Do people who scrooge on money scrimp on excess feelings too? Or could it be how hydrated you are - the more hydrated, the more fluid your emotions flow.

I really hate bothering, but you know what, I'm bothered. So I've bothered enough and it can no longer last. I'm purging this out of my system, man.

---

and now, naruto to make me really happy.

2005-09-24T11:36:00.001+08:00

So this was what I did on friday.

How this came about:

Couple of weeks back, we were all in Chinatown and my girlfriend, hoot, darted into a shop to buy beads. It was for her jewelry making class that she was taking with her mom, a mother-daughter thingamajig. I decided there and then to capitalise on her expertise, once she had acquired it, that is. Afterall, what better way to justify my hours and hours of shopping than to mask it under the deceitful title of "Research"? *evil gleam in eyes*

So, just wednesday, I plonked myself down next to her and grilled her on how its actually done. It spawned into a long paper-chat dialogue with a lot of digression along the way. We started drawing and defining how the pliers looked like, and she educated me on the universe of pins out there (there's one for connecting, hooking, for the ends, for...) until I was literally seeing stars.

So then, I roped in Mom, whose car was at the mechanic's and had no choice but to ride with me to some bead shops - I splurged a blue fifty on the starter's kit (four types of beads, hooks, hoops, about six types of pins) and went ahead to make this! -

It isn't superb but at least I'm digging it.

Credits to Hoot for starting me up! And thanks YY for answering my questions :)

2005-09-22T12:50:00.000+08:00

Finally I get to sit down in peace, and relax. Forgetful humans prone to taking things for granted, we are. I will only appreciate moments of peace when I get reminded of how hectic things can be - a whole week spent on mugging for tests, a million engagements:

six hours tuition
fourteen hour schoolweek
birthdaycard making (even though I don't go for all of them)
dates with girls
one and half hour carwashing session
two hour blogsurfing daily
about ten hours of MSNing per week as i multitask
four projects this semester amounting to meetups almost each week
and finding time to spend with mommy.

on top of that, I haven't been sleeping or eating well these two weeks.

so now, i'm sitting here with Singing Shayla (i love you). I was looking forward to the regular typing chatter of keyboards in yet another computer lab, but there is/was a group of girls talking at the top of their voices. Yes, I know I'm like that when I'm with any group of girls, too, but it sure doesn't feel great being at the mercy of their loud guffaws. At least I have iPod's magical noiseimmunity with me.

I've got to try and appreciate that obstacles are challenges, not barriers - and disappointments just mean that doors are opening in another direction, that's all.

//Aside// does anyone wanna go catch this with me? I love film festivals. Lish, I know you'd be interested.

//Link// Here's a mindless game I love playing.

2005-09-21T22:32:00.000+08:00

My frustration level is at its maximum. Have been staring at the notes but nothing is going in. I am craving to use my MSN right now but am helping someone with project filetransfers, so I can't login to my account until the files are done.

Am going to take a quick cold shower and hopefully my mind wakes up by then. If not, I refuse to sleep. I am going to try not to be screwed tomorrow.

2005-09-21T19:59:00.000+08:00

Hall life comprises of shitty mugging and bad backaches, ribena, green tea, sprite, maggi mee, CQYD mee, and best of all, julie waffles. I can finish a whole load in just a week, and they are shitass cheap, $1.90 per box.

Let me digress: Double denim, on any part of your body at the same time, is wrong. Why?
1. Because I say so.
2. Because it is so wrong on the eyes.
3. You think so too.

You just need time to come out of that place called denial, and consider the natural ugliness of someone wearing two denim pieces. Its just wrong. (Denim shoes and jacket do not count, that makes 3 pieces.)

2005-09-20T20:35:00.000+08:00

Went out to get Mac takeaways for Lawlieland and we're having fun listening to the Don and Drew Show, a hilarious one-hour show from perfect10's weekend lineup. Their voices are super familiar, especially Drew, whom I have always wondered about. His perfectly sexy deep voice is the best thing that can happen to commercials - I think I've heard him on IKEA and Burger King ads, and never fail to make me hungry on the rides home. We also found this amusing:

Recycling Ronald

Lawlieland is playing alternative tonight - Vertical Horizon. But it doesn't sound alternative at all, it sounds right. This means I'm digging it, no?

I'm becoming one of those cool twentyone people I used to want to become. I have two kickass girlfriends who can slaughter all you men out there in their punk/rock music knowledge, and are coincidentally my two roommates (i love you lawlie and lolli haha), I still love Hello Kitty and My Melody and I plan to buy a My Little Pony toy soon. I am procrastinating and have been for a week, its eight now and I still think its early. I haven't started on my quiz tomorrow and I still think it can be done, I still can ace it. (The list is not exhaustive and it goes on and on.)

A million possibilities, I have hope in my heart, and I am not even close to giving up. I like the current me, this girl who believes in herself and won't let go. I miss the girl with wonder in her heart, innocence in her eyes and happiness in her soul. Yet I am all and none of this now.

I also am learning to like this girl I'm becoming, the one who sleeps on the floor, who is actually living in a corner of someone's room. Because this actually isn't what it sounds like - I may be a squat (but I am not). This feels just as much as MY room as the landlady's. i also just told her that I love how the room is structured, how the room is connected to the toilet and its just three steps and the opening of a door away from my desk. The corridor dustbin is also three steps and the opening of a door away. (I counted.) Its like the best room in the universe and I have the best company here with JY and MSN.

I am alright about feeling insecure about my future, about feeling inadequate. thou shalt not compare. So i love this, I love it. I love my life.

2005-09-19T21:33:00.000+08:00

This is too romantic for me to miss.

It feels so good to be back in the blackhole of the world. At least I'm not alone in here.

2005-09-19T09:20:00.000+08:00

check out W's review of Be With Me, one that I was too lazy to blog about.

Basically, I loved the silence throughout the movie, and how the relatively unknown actors were given so much space to explore with their roles. I loved the subtle twist at the end, and how it was done. and most of all, I loved the elderly actor and Theresa Chan, as well as his wife. Their manner reminded me of the old way so much, the clean, quiet dignity of the older generation, the acts of kindness, the simplicity which we can never return to, much as I wish for it.

What I can't believe was how someone laughed at Theresa Chan's speech in my cinema. It rang out so loudly, piercing the silence.

2005-09-19T00:49:00.000+08:00

Caught a rainbow before it was blown away!

Finally took time to load up my iPod - its called Shayla! It was chosen out of Harmony, Melody, Euphony, Hermione, Mrs Kimura, and Belle. And if you know why its chosen, then i love you for watching SATC. :)

Dumblydorrrr, thank you for being my inspiration on paper. You're the character I want most to come alive. May I keep you in my pocket please? Because of you, I know that men are afraid of death and darkness simply because they represent uncertainty, but of course you put it in such a fancy way.

Shayla shayla shayla! Sing to me, Shayla!

2005-09-18T09:09:00.000+08:00

Summer has come and past, the innocent can never last. Wake me up, when september ends.

I liked this song the moment i heard it, but i didn't think it was divine intervention telling me what's in store for me.

Woke up from vodka-induced haze - I like the feeling of drinking alone. Walked out, barefooted, onto the corridor to see the last of the storm. I vaguely remembered slamming blinds and loud, rumbling thunder. The air - sweet, cool, reassuring. The birds seem to be gossiping about yesterday's storm - have you heard? the cute pigeon from the second tree across the road was in trouble, her nest fell out of the raintree! Oh and all the worms have died, so things are stale and its just another shitty morning in Singapore.

Its a great morning to be up, even if I am feeling laidback and hippie from alcohol. Before you think I drank a lot, I think I just took a liberal amount of vodka and a load of sprite. Just that one blackmobil mug, I'm growing to love this mug of mine. Its been through two hallrooms with me. Corinne May blasting in the background, notes in front of me. Who said singles can't have fun on their own?

Have been asked a million times - why do I head back to hall so often, even if I don't have to? The reason, once and for all, is because at this moment in time, I feel most alone when I am in here. I can do whatever i want. I'm also safe from the outside, I just have to shut my door to feel at ease. Oh, the water from the watercooler tastes really good, too. To tell the truth, I'm just happy to be here, me, my powerbook, MSN and my Polkaudio speakers.

//Aside// Didn't like the tagboard to be in the new layout, so please fill up the comment area after each entry if you so wish.

2005-09-18T01:07:00.001+08:00

//Aside//I guess I should have stated this in the first place - Got this idea from W and it originated from him. Its a great idea, and I just needed to pour everything out. Guess which paragraph is referring to you :)//

I'm the girl who will say she forgives but never forgets, but will never forgive or forget. I'm the girl whose trust you break and will never retrieve.

I'm the girl whose boyfriend you hankypankied with, the girl whose boyfriend you stole. Oh, yeah, I forgot. I'm the one who stole him back from you too. I'm the girl who will never forgive what you did, the one who will never touch an attached guy after what you did to break my heart. I'm the girl who blacklists you, the one who really knows what you are capable of. I'm the girl who can see through your "perfect"ly boring life. I'm the girl who knows you always have relationship problems, the girl who thinks that this is all karma for you. I'm the girl who was having lovely dreams until you came along and shocked her into reality.

I'm the girl who stared at you the moment you boarded the shuttle and kept her gaze full on throughout the journey. I'm the one who alighted 4 stops before out of impulse, just so that I can keep my eyes on you for that precious few seconds. Yes, the one who walked into your room that night, sat on your bed, and then walked out without knowing it was your room. I'm the girl who coined a nickname for you lovingly and told all her friends about you for a year. I'm also the one who secretly feels envious of your pics, the ones you posted of perfect dates and loving testimonials that are typed out in BiG aNd SmAll CaPs. Mmhmm, I'm the girl who thinks you're the most gorgeous thing on this plot of land. The one who always says hi to you incredulously, the one who you only said two words to. I'm the girl who owns the feelings you never knew existed.

I'm the girl who worked under you, listened to your fucking crap, endured all the insults you hurled my way and watched how you obviously preferred the other intern to me. I'm the girl you were unfair to, the one you gave no chance to. I'm the only girl who had no guidance for nine and a half weeks, and then I became the girl who had the last half week of her attachment in Hell instead of an accountancy firm. I'm also the one you gave a limp handshake to the first day of work. I'm now the girl who will shout FUCK YOU the next time I see you.

I'm the girl who cycled the whole of East Coast to and back, the one you hugged from behind as we watched the perfect halfrainbow from the furthest end of the beach. I'm the girl you cannot forget.

I'm the girl you didn't bother to realise was there for you, the girl who spoke a million times to you over the phone. The girl who lost her first heartbreak to you, the one you wrote a long email to seven years later to apologise. I'm the girl your girlfriend went to school with, the one who never thought about you after she thought she found the perfect boyfriend.

I'm the girl all girls want for a friend - perfectly bitchy, mad shopaholic, crazy about boybands, and best of all, can finish your sentence for you. The one who you won't tell all your secrets to, but the one you know can keep a damn well secret when you need tell only one.

I'm the girl who hates you, the one whom you manipulated and played with. I'm the girl whose friends you tried to win over. I'm also the girl who learnt everything I could from you, the one who can smell a sneak from a mile away now. I'm the girl whom you showed your underhanded ways to, and I'm the girl who learnt how to differentiate between right and wrong from you. Because what you do is always wrong.

I'm the girl you said had the perfect work attitude, the girl you loved working with. I'm also the girl who remembered this comment ever since.

I'm the girl with the dusty car, the girl whose mouth you put words into, that disgustingly egoistical and braggish friend of your girlfriend's. I'm the girl you would never know, except that her friend chose you as a partner. I'm the girl who saw through you. Coincidentally I'm also the girl who don't think much of you. I'm also the girl who thinks this way of all past boyfriends of friends.

I'm the girl who read your blog since she was fifteen, the one who you had on ICQ. I'm the girl who has shamelessly bookmarked all your websites since 1997. I'm also the one who knows your hallmate, the one who believes that you're a cool friend to have, one who can hold cool conversations. Yes, I'm the girl who wants to know you.

I'm the girl you first called when you got your heart broken, the one who sang boyband songs with since she was thirteen, the one who sat next to you in school. The one who can walk through Far East Plaza with. The girl who can insult you, disgust you, and amuse you all in a day. I'm also the girl who is really glad to have met you.

I'm the girl who holds you in number One position, who will give her hair up to meet you. the one who has all your serials and secretly fantasizes about you.

i'm the girl you share a room with, the one who lawls around and prance around town with, the one who spills her insecurities to. I'm the girl you play shower music to, the girl who explored how on earth to sing Moments with, and the girl who knows MOST about your ssecret fantassies. I sshare them too. yes, I'm the girl you're cohabitating with.

I'm the girl who went to you one isolated night. the one who came, out of nowhere, out of the blue, to find you. The one you wiped tears away for, whom you hugged in a quiet carpark. The one you bought milk for, the one who needed comforting. The one who holds you in the highest regard. The one who will always care about you. I'm the girl who doesn't know how to tell you yet.

I'm the girl sitting next to you in lecture, the one you always see around but do not have the chance of knowing. I'm the girl you think is great company. I'm scary girl. I'm also the girl who hates her modules just as much as you do.

I'm the girl who's going to be your next girlfriend, and I'm so going to charm the pants off you. I'm also going to be the girl you will never forget, the one who is going to be The One. I'm the girl who thinks of you before I meet you.

I'm the girl you gave your everything to. I'm also the girl who will give up her everything for you and only you, because i'm the baby who came out of your body. I'm the girl who will always love you, and will kill for you. I'm the girl who cannot picture what it is like to lose you. I'm your daughter. and i will always love you above everyone else.

So if I'm the girl, who am I, and who are you, to me?

2005-09-18T00:05:00.000+08:00

I sit here, with my newly fixed vodka sprite, and wonder if it is all worth my time.

Credits first: Thank you lish, jy for being there without me expecting it. Words of encouragement much needed, concern appreciated, and all the additional lawlies you gave me were absolutely priceless. If this was a relationship, I'd have went and bought wedding rings. Thank you liting, too, for understanding. that's more than enough.

Today! Went and caught the Eric Khoo vehicle, Be With Me. Babes Samantha Tan and Ezann's performance - passable, nowhere near credible. The cast of old and extremely apt actors/actresses were being themselves, but to such an extent they had me from the start. I'd have walked out after the first twenty minutes and gave them a 4 of 5. The mood and effect of the silence, soundtrack and superb acting made my weekend. There's nothing that beats catching a superb movie - though it feels more like a photobook or fiction than a movie.

Was relieved to sit down and yak over lunch, and take my mind off things, despite the deep dark looming tests ahead. Thank you Melissa, for being here for me on each occasion, and I loved how you semi-cradled me when I was pouring out my insecurities. You're a gem of a find from the spring of 2001, and you will not believe just how glad I am to have you in my life. So, sort out your thoughts and please remain my movie partner.

Got back, squeezed in an hour of intellectual conversation with Dottie, who has officially gotten the most jibes from me for the fake accent.

Ack, you know what? I think vodka, sprite, and hardly any food today do not mix well.

~~Will get noodles done later.~~ Discovered Lexus in the room! yum.

I think I've discovered the second yinzhu. Takes two to play the game. its easy to be civil for me but its tough being fake. Am off taking swigs of vodka while mugging for consolidation. Mmm. I swear, I think consol looks easier with alcohol to ease the pain. G'night folks, hope you've had as much fun as I have in a week!